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A Guy I Like Inspired Me to Continue Writing

Writing helped me express the words that I couldn't speak.

When I was young, I was already fond of writing in diaries. I just loved to write random things. I even wrote on every paper I saw. It made me feel like someone is actually "listening" to whatever I said. But when I got older, there came a point in time when I often lost my diaries. As much as I wanted to keep them private, I kept misplacing them. I felt scared because I knew it could be read by anyone, anytime, and anywhere. Plus, I had no time because school works were piled up. So, I decided to just stop.

After I stopped writing, there was no other way to express what was on my mind. It was terrible. It was not easy to just speak of everything. Even if you talk to the closest person you know, it’s hard. It was difficult to keep things by myself and not be able to do anything about it. It sucked.


The only thing that diverted my attention was school. But just when I thought that things were working out so well for me in school, a lot of things happened. High school was mayhem. You get in a lot of trouble. In academics, responsibilities, friends, and love. We were young and inexperienced.

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That time, I got attracted to a guy. It was so new to me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to say it. I just couldn't explain it. Every single day was a day that I looked forward to. Every day was a whole new experience to me. Every day, I got to interact with him. It made me feel emotions that were inexplicable. I thought that if I told anyone about it, they wouldn't understand. I got scared that they would judge me if I told them how I felt.

So, I decided to write again. I began recording every moment that happened between me and him. I wrote everything. I didn't want to miss anything. I didn't want to forget a single second. So, I wrote every detail I could. There were times when I would sneak my diary out just so I could write what just happened. I would even write how we made a meaningless eye contact. I wrote on our breaks. I wrote before I sleep. I just wrote so much.


Things got more complicated. People started paying attention to "us." It became more confusing. It seemed like even the words I wrote were messed up, too. My relationship with him became awkward. There was a line drawn between us already. I never wanted that to happen. I really wanted to talk to him but I didn't know what to say. My mind would always go blank.

During those times, writing helped me speak my mind. It made me express things that always remained unspoken. Writing helped me get through the day—good or bad. It lessened the burden I felt inside. Writing saved me. It saved me from completely losing my mind. But that's not it. Writing also helped me tell my first love how I felt about him. I told him everything I wanted to say through letters.

Writing also helped me tell my first love how I felt about him.


After that, I felt lighter and satisfied. He did not reply to any of my long messages but I wanted to believe he read them. And for some reason, just the thought of him reading every word I wrote made me happy. It made me realize that writing down words that I couldn't speak of would help me feel better. It is because writing also takes the same courage as when you speak it up. That is why until now, I have never stopped writing. I have no plan on doing so. I wrote this to let him know that because of him, I finally realized what I love to do. That because of him, I was able to take courage and speak my mind. That because of him, I got better. That because of him, I was able to bring back something important that I once threw away—writing.


Now, writing will always be a part of me which also means that he will always be a part of the person I have become. For that, I would like to thank him.










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Serene Fae 2 days ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie 2 days ago
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