Candy Bulletin

To the thoughts I fear before

There are times when I still feel that way but now, I power through it.

Living my life, I incorporated fear with failure, rejection, being forgotten and many more things that even a slight thought of it saddens me. I have thought of a hundred, maybe thousands to the point where I felt the hopelessness and helplessness in myself. I considered it a nightmare and still remember myself crying in bed at night. But how can I sleep with that???

I’m scared, really scared of how we have to live up to the world’s standards. The thought of other people and my own barometer of how I should be. My “I want to be’s” and “I have to be’s”, I need to fulfill that to make me be me. I don’t want to fail because if I fail, no one’s gonna like me, “But who would’ve want to be friends with a failure?” Being rejected seems so embarrassing, people will laugh and talk behind your back and it seems to me that I don’t have a place in this world. I hate myself and I’m so sick and tired of existing.

But now, I don’t want to feel all of that over and over, day by day. I find it a tad bit dramatic, but let’s face it. It is a reality that we think about at some point. You see, what I’ve said, that “We have to live up to the world’s standards,” “I need to fulfill that,” and “People will laugh and talk behind your back,” is that there are those words that will confuse you and that will blow away your peaceful mind. Words like “We have to”, but there is always a “We don’t have to”. We don’t always “need to” do what we really don’t have to do.

Just remember that there is always a contrary to whatever you say. You see, there is a “will” between people and laugh because not all people always will. There are times when I still feel that way but now, I power through it. Thoughts are just thoughts, it’ll bring you down. To believe in my ability to continue and create despite the many tough situations. To remember that we are all just humans, we mess up and do terrible things and we will still mess up and we will still do a lot of terrible things. Just do not believe in regrets. Instead, believe in making mistakes and learning from it. That’s what I do to help myself and I hope that you will to?

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