The art of staying calm.
Every time my cellphone dings, I feel a sudden jolt in my heart that vibrates throughout my body like a shock. This feeling started when I went to college, an abrupt anxiety kicks in my mind whenever I receive a notification, my mind suddenly becomes flooded with thoughts of school requirements and quizzes sent by my group mates that are left undone. It haunts me like a little girl who’s afraid of a folklore ghost, then came running to her mom as a refuge to hide, except for me bed became my safety net. Sleeping turns into hibernation, pillow turns to mountains, and blanket turns to clouds until I’m on cloud nine.
My room became a fortress and it protected me from outside forces, but when the big bad wolf blew it, it fell so easily like it was built from a cotton, like my emotion so tender and so delicate. I realized that sleeping and locking myself into my room doesn’t prevent the reality to slap me in the face, when in fact doing that make things even worse. Whenever I lock myself, my mind automatically turns into a dark state wherein I can feel the void and emptiness of my life and when that sink in to my thoughts it will spread like a wild fire until it burns down my last barrier of protection.
My routine became my habit, because it’s handy I sleep then the next morning I forget. But it does not solve the problem, it’s a temporary band-aid that covers the surface but not the pain. When we have fresh wound, we tend to put band-aid right away without really cleaning it up because it’s less painful and much faster. As we forget about the wound, it becomes infected then it starts to rot affecting other parts of our body. That’s what happen to me when I wallowed in my room and dream-off my problem, my whole-body rots alongside with my emotions eating me slowly.
I tried different approaches as to how I would conquer this toxic solution I came up with. I admit it was not easy, sometimes when one experiment fails, I go back to sleeping until I come running back to that cycle again. Until one day I decided to wake up earlier than my usual time of getting up, I started my day with a music, it definitely soothes my thoughts then later I fixed my bed. I opened the curtains and let the sunlight to penetrate my room, then I prepared my breakfast and lastly took a shower. For the first time in forever I felt fine, no worries nor pain just fine. But reality isn’t magic, it took time to heal myself and for sure took time to be used to with that routine.
It took months of practicing and pep talks to continue what I developed, though it is worth the wait. Being calm and collected doesn’t come in one snap, it takes battles like constant fight with your fear of worry. Healthy environment coincides with healthy mind, we have to built a routine that will makes us feel good and friends that will be there for us. I hope whoever reading this will someday be okay, I know it’s not easy but you’ll get there I promise I m a living testament. Good luck!