Candy Bulletin

Sharing My Mother's Story

I felt the need to share my story with everyone since she's the woman I look up to

Today, I am sharing my mother's story. I wish my mother was a constant in my life, like an angel who guards you to sleep and comes right there when you called. But angels come back home too, in heaven where they always belonged, and my mother went back a little early. My mother died when I was 13 years old. My last memory of my mother: Letting go when you are not yet ready is a very cruel thing that one has to ever experience. It is a sudden wave of total sadness and desperation crashing into your very core.

On the 28th of July 2013, we went to a resort in Bataan for the employees’ getaway. My parents own a 7-11 franchise, and it had always been a tradition to give their store clerks a get-together every year. I remember very well the last breakfast I had with my mother. The Sunday morning sky was clear and sunny, and the sea was calm and tranquil as we ate our breakfast on a cottage under the tall palm trees. She shared with us a strange dream she had the other night. She dreamt about an unknown woman holding an ice pick chasing her down on a dimly lit street, then she woke up just before the woman could grab her arm. We never knew what that dream exactly meant and now, I wished I never knew its meaning. After breakfast, my family and our employees decided to take a swim at the beach. The day was nice. The morning air may be chilly but the sun’s kiss on our skins gave us warmth. It was perfect. Everything is fine and the tides are low which made it very enjoyable to swim. We swam a little farther from the shore and we stopped to the point where the water reached our shoulders. We were talking about the good things in life and reminiscing the good old days. Those are the things that I’ve always loved about my family because I never had a meaningless conversation with them.

A few moments later, we heard a panicking call for help from one of our store clerks. It was Rachel. She was struggling to keep her head above water. She was already drowning but the odd thing was, she was only a few feet away from us. At first, we thought she was just playing around until we felt the sand in our toes dissolving like powder. It felt like as if the seafloor submerged deeper. I remembered sighting the shore and it seemed so close yet very far away. We were all panicking at that time. No one knew how to swim except my mother so without having second thoughts she swam towards Rachel and called out to my father, “Yung mga anak mo! Dalhin mo sa pampang yung mga anak mo!” and I never thought I already heard my mother’s last words to my father. I was paddling like a dog, gasping for air, as I say a little prayer to God to take us all back to safety. I felt my father grabbing our swimsuits, trying to lift our bodies so we can breathe even though he was also struggling to keep himself alive. Once I felt my toes touch the ground, there came a veil of relief that covered my whole body. As soon as my father and my sister made it to the shore we started calling out for help. There were no lifeguards on duty at that time, no personnel, nor guards. I saw my mother already floating in her stomach. We sighted a boat sailing nearby, we waved our hands and called for their attention. They almost ignored us because they cannot comprehend what we were trying to relay but the good thing was a passenger in the boat noticed my mother and Rachel in the water.

My mother’s body was laid on the shore. She was unconscious and her whole body was pale as white. My father performed CPR but my mother couldn’t get the water come out of her mouth because the food she ate earlier got stuck in her throat and blocked the passage. A concerned tourist offered his car to deliver my mom in a nearby health center or a clinic of some sort since the hospital was miles away from the beach and she needs immediate care. My father told us to stay in the hotel room and prepare mom’s belongings so that if she wakes up she has fresh clothes to change into. My sister and I finished packing our things and waited for our father to pick us up from the hotel. I was crying and I couldn’t stop myself because I was afraid to lose my mother. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be if I lose her that day. Moments lasted until we heard a knock on the door and it was my father, crying, and apologizing to us. He hugged me and my sister tightly and saying, “Sorry, anak, sorry hindi na uuwi si mommy, sorry hindi ko nasagip si mommy”. And that was the moment I felt sinking into the ground. I never knew what to feel at first. I was numb because my worries were now actually a reality that I have to live in. I was at shock because I am now one of the kids in those cliche teleseryes who lost a mother at an early age. We went to the health center to settle everything. The clinic was very small and it sure did lack equipment. He told us to stay in the car. I wanted to see my mom, but I know he never wanted us to see her like that. I didn’t know what to feel. I was having high anxiety levels that my stomach is churning and I wanted to vomit. I got off the car and entered the health center to find the restroom. When I was finding my way around, I passed by the emergency room. I saw my mother lying in a foldable bed, lifeless, her hands dangling from the side of the bed, she has violet bruises on her skin, and her body was partially covered with a white towel.

That is when it sunk into me that she’s dead and never coming back. My father asked the others to just commute back to Manila because what we need right now is comfort from our family. The drive back home was one of the most painful memory I had as a kid. My father was in the steering wheel crying his eyes out. We drove from Bataan to Pampanga. We went home to my grandmother’s house, the nearest house that we can call “home” because how are we still going to be “home” without her?

Once we reached Pampanga, we stopped over to the gas station and my father made some calls to our loved ones to tell them that my mother passed away. He then called my aunt to help him arrange for the funeral. We got home and my grandmother hugged us and told us to get some rest. Already tired of crying, I went to sleep for a while. I woke up and for a second, I thought everything that happened the other day was all just a dream. That she was there in Manila, sitting on the couch reading some furniture magazine, waiting for us to go home. But that’s how cruel life is, right? I got up and weirdly, I felt sands in the bed. It was gray, just like the ones on the beach. I thought maybe it was just dirt but it was a fair amount to believe that maybe she visited us before she left. - ?

- The part of how I conquered the grief of her passing is shared in my personal blog. I felt the need to share my story with everyone since she's the woman I look up to. Feel free to visit my personal blog too when you have the time. I love writing my stories. Thank You! link: http://qkathreece.wixsite.com/kathreecequizon/post/breaking-waves

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Anne Luna Just now

They say time heals all wounds, but it has been ages - is heartbreak exempted?

I have forgotten when was the last time we shared a smile - the last time when I saw the glow in your eyes and the last time when you whispered an I love you to me. I have forgotten when, but here I am - writing to you again.

I do not know if you will read this or you will just add this one to my proses and poems that you left unread, but you see, I am still hoping. I am mailing the pain of us to the gods out there - hoping they can take the pain away. I should have gotten over you, but instead of forgetting and accepting our ending, I am writing about us in tissue sheets, carving about us on trees, telling about us on the back of my journals, hoping that a thousand or a million write ups about us, can make me forget about what happened.

I am writing, waiting for the point where I can no longer write anymore, for I have none to tell - but when? I have nothing in me anymore, but the memories of us - and no matter how hard I try put those to its own grave, the memories grow back like lilies in the swamp - painful and beautiful at the same time.

No matter how hard I try to silence those and put it at the back of my mind, those ring back, playing like the favorite song we used to listen. They say heartbreaks turn into poetry and that is what happening to us - but poetry should be dulcet and dreamy, why does ours sound like pain and agony? They say time heals all wounds, but it has been ages - is heartbreak exempted? Darling, I guess not.

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This is a drawing and a poem I’ve made for a summer love. Our time together was short-lived but the feelings were not.

“God’s Gift”

On a platform we stand

Faces seen all in a blur

Relentless searching led by a spur

To find someone, to feel something

Aren’t we fools to waste away time?

To look for one man’s treasure

Somewhere as ephemeral, as fragile

As a bond built in crime

But aren’t we just like every weary heart?

Hoping for an oasis

In the midst of the desert

Wanting to quench our thirst

Aren’t we all like frosted windows

Of old and battered houses on winter?

Wishing for the sun to give us warmth

To melt the facade so we can show what the inside is made

Aren’t we maven pretenders?

A Casanova? A Temptress? Who made us this way?

A sly fox? A ruthless hunter?

Let down the walls, It’ll be okay

Rushed for a hug, now no hesitating

Engulfed by a sense of bliss or was it longing? Eyes wide-open,

Stepping on a quicksand I embraced the fall into the deep end

Gazed at you lying there unaware With you, found something rare I swear

Realization dawning as loud as a thunder

As the Beating of your heart put me into a deep slumber

Waking up from this reverie

Truth slapped me back to reality

Two worlds so different, now I see If only I could I’d be anything and anyone you need me to be I’m the ludicrous clown, you see

Thought if I ruin it first I’d be free

From the doubts brought by my own insecurity I was so wrong,

What a tragicomedy Brought by the month of April

We rushed the ticking of clock to May Hands interlocked

Weaved skin to skin on a rainy day But when June came to say hello, all went dark grey

What was once there ceases to exist Like the wilting of a flower

Once so beautiful, so full of life Now turned into dust by death’s kiss

Unbounded joy brought by your presence

Paralleled with the perennial ache of your absence Yearned for and offered seventh heaven

Now the heart weeps for evanescence

A mirage, to be the fair maiden The sorrow to find out I’d end up our own villain

But all’s well for you are but a distant dream Gamaliel, You are, I knew it from the very beginning .

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Belley Marie A day ago

Written by me, the one-shot story

Coffee is about a girl who used to cherish moments with someone in a cafe. Sometimes, a simple drink can leave an imprint on someone's mind. ____________________________________________

Coffee

It's been a year since my boyfriend and I broke up. I love him and he loves me too but things just didn't worked  the way it should be. Now I'm heading at the cafe where we started and ended. I have no choice but to go there after all it was made up of both happy and sad memories. But that's life , right? We can't be happy all the time. Challenges come and hearts can break. But it doesn't just end there.

"One signature coffee , please." I said as I ordered from the cashier.

"What size?" she asked.

"Small." I said.

Then she took my payment and I headed towards the seat near the window. A window seat.... for two. The cafe was surprisingly full tonight unlike the past few days.

Again, I have no choice but to sit on that window seat. It is where we sit often. It is our seat. Our place. There are a lot of couples at the cafe and wow I'm alone. There's a part of me which says you should be happy because he's not the only guy in this world. Another part of me says you're still hurt so don't pretend to be happy. The truth is , I am both happy and sad.  I'm happy because we're both free and we can focus more in our careers. But I'm sad because I'm not the other half of his heart anymore. I'm sad because I let him go even though I still love him. I'm sad because I can't see him. I'm sad because I can't share this relaxing coffee shop where we can chill with the aromatic smell of the coffee.

"Small signature coffee?" the waitress said as she serves my coffee.

"Yes. Thank you." I said.

"Since you're a regular customer here, we would like to give you this item for free." the waitress said. She handed me a purple journal with the name of the cafe on it and a pen.

"Oh thanks." I said .

"Enjoy your coffee!" she said.

I took advantage of using the freebies from the cafe. A window seat is also a bonus in inspiring me to write something. While sipping my coffee my brain and my heart began to function smoothly.

And so I wrote: My coffee has been cold lately, I can't feel anything after taking a sip and there's no heat to leave a pain on my lips. And it was a relief. But then, I remember one thing about sipping a cold coffee instead of a hot one: cold coffee doesn't leave you any marks when you sipped it, just like a blunt feeling. But a hot coffee will leave you a remarkable pain from the heat which reminds you that you are alive to feel....

I closed the journal and stared at the window. He was the coffee. The hot coffee. No matter how our breakup hurt me, he left me a mark and a lesson to learn. A hot coffee can be a challenge too or an obstacle. They all made you feel that you are alive. That you can go on with your life. You can still stand up. Love taught me to move forward. He taught me to be stronger. He is love.

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WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BROKE FANGIRL/FANBOY

One of the proudest things as a fan is the feeling that you are part of their growing fandom and stardom. From streaming their songs online, watching their music videos, TV guestings, collecting photocards, albums, lightsticks, attending to their concert and fan meetings surely, you're a fan! But there's a problem, MONEY.

It's really heartbreaking when you hear that members of your favorite band are coming and their concert is just around the corner but here you are thinking of how to sell one of your kidneys just to go to their concert (kidding).That no matter how much you try to save, it will never be enough for a ticket because you are only a student who has limited resources or if you're an adult, you have bills to pay. So joining a "team bahay" livestream is your last resort, but sometimes even those links don't work!

Of course if there's team bahay there's also "team airport/ team labas", fans who waits at the airport hoping to see their idols upon their arrival. How we wish we could also attend and be part of it, something like shouting their names, fanchants then cry out of happiness while waving their lightsticks or banners. What a concept isn't?

Hey, cheer up! being broke doesn't make you any less of a fan. Know that there are other ways to support and love them. For sure our idols have the same and equal love to us no matter what "team" we belong (team concert, team airport/labas and team bahay).Maybe for some people, they might think we are being overly dramatic without knowing that for us fans, their existence itself and music saved us and made us happy once in our lives. -Gwy June 16,2020

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Dana Anave 3 days ago

PAINTED DREAM: How did Brush and Paints help me to discover the life I have now?

Every artist has their once upon a time story on how they became an artist. Some were born to hold a brush to paint, some just love to draw, and others.... well they've been to a lot of classes just to hone their skills before they could make their own masterpiece.

Well as for me, I started to discover this talent of mine when I was 8 y/o. My uncle taught me to trace a person's face on the newspaper by using a pencil and plain bond paper. I am the type of person who has this mantra in life which states "Practice makes Perfect" which in fact was very helpful. I used to draw only on the days where I feel blue, when there are a lot of thoughts juggling into my head, when I don't have someone to talk to about my problems. In short those two non living things (paper and pencil) became my source of calm.

My first two years of non stop drawing, (I actually filled some of my sketchbooks with sketches) made me realize that those sketches I made were a bit dull, It's like a thick cloud being filled with water in it yet still not ready to pour. That's when I noticed that I'm lacking for some shades of colors. They say "There's always a rainbow after the rain" but how am I able to produce sunshine or even rainbow out of my works knowing that the water is still stuck on that large cloud and not even ready to pour?. I started buying painting materials such as acrylic paints (with the shades of primary colors), paint brush, plain canvass and palette.

At first, I'm able to discover how to mix such colors to produce the secondary ones and when all the colors I needed to start my first masterpiece were present, I then start creating my first ever painting. As the year passes by, my collection of paintings are growing. I even decided to step in the business world and little by little I am able to introduce my works and started to earn from the artworks I sold and save especially now where savings is an important tool to survive. You see, it's quite a long ride before we could make or even finish a single masterpiece. It needs to be anchored with determination, passion and faith.

To those young ones who are still figuring out what they can and would want to do, here are some tips that could help you discover yours:

1. Take a risk. Find something that would make you feel that you would want to do this, whatever might happen, you're still going to pursue that thing, because it makes you happy.

2. Believe in yourself. On anything that we're up into, we need to trust ourselves. Of all the people around you, there will always be that someone who could help you to do incredible things, and that is yourself.

3. Art is a mess. We all know that nothing in this world is perfect until you believe that it is actually perfect. It always depend on someones perspective whether it's beautiful or not. Just like an art, you cannot tell whether it's perfectly made or it's lacking of something unless you figured out its own definition.

4. Timing. Of course, who would know when it's the right time to start anything? the answer is, if you feel it, do it.

5. Love. All of the things that we're doing has a mixture of love. A person who believes that they found love on something could produce the most perfect masterpiece. and that's all!

During this time where everyone is stuck at home, not everybody are allowed to go out and work, let's encourage each and everyone to find light amidst of the darkness we're into. Let us not only focus on the downside of this pandemic situation but also to seek for better ways how we could survive this situation and improve ourselves little by little.

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It’s a list of Kdramas about courage and pursuing dreams. A spoiler-free insights also about these series and some words of encouragement.

Title: Feeling hopeless? These K-dramas will inspire you to muster up the courage to pursue your dreams no matter what

There are times that you question the paths life has led you. And most of the times, these are the moments when you get tired of chasing your dreams and on the brink of giving up. You have these thoughts, that’s creeping into your mind saying; “Nothing is happening. This won’t work. I’m never good enough. I’m too young. I’m too old. I’m lacking. I will never be able to do it. That’s too big. It seems impossible.” Or sometimes you’re just plain worn out. Too exhausted to even think about your dreams. But despite of so many hardships, isn’t it beautiful to still think “what does it mean to live the life of your dreams?”

Every once in a while, it’s good to hear stories that could ignite our life once again. Here are the list of Kdramas that will inspire you to muster up the courage to pursue your dreams no matter what

1. DREAM HIGH

“There is a long way to go before your story comes to an end. So don’t be anxious that things are taking longer for you. People who take their time getting to their dreams can see and experience more. And in my opinion it is those who take their time that will really make it big time in the end.” -Kang Oh Hyuk

Aside from the excitement of having to watch an all star casts in one drama (Bae Suzy, Kim Soo Hyun, IU & Taecyeon) this series will also make your heart feel alive and hopeful. It’s about teenagers, with different lives and talents, ended up in the same school, the Kirin Arts High School, an academy for aspiring singers, dancers and songwriters. As the students tried to learn their true potential to reach their aspirations, they will find themselves fighting their own weaknesses and struggling in the life so-called “competitions”.

When you feel like you’re stuck or being left behind, and see your friends and colleagues already achieved their goals, will you feel bitter and envious? Will you stop? Will you change your dreams? Or will you stop comparing and start working harder to improve yourself? Our lives unfold as they should be, at their own pace and on their own timeline. What’s meant for us will arrive at the right time and for the right reasons. This is one of the life lessons you’ll get to see in Dream High as each characters take their own steps to be in the spotlight.

2. FIGHT FOR MY WAY

“What were you doing with your time?”

“I earned money. While they went to study abroad and volunteer, I was earning money.” -Choi, Ae-Ra

The story reveals a harsh truth about adulting life, about the younger generation who are not qualified for what the “perfect” society demands. Without backgrounds such as higher education and professional experience, the world tells them to just keep working on ordinary jobs. Fight For My Way is about Ae-Ra who is working an Information Desk Employee instead of living her life as an Announcer and her best friend Dong-Man who is working as Pest Control Employee instead of pursuing his dreams to become a Professional Mixed Martial Artist.

Truth as it may be, being privilege has a lot of perks. On the other hand, lacks of money limits a person’s opportunity and sometimes it even lower a person’s status. But because they have less doesn’t mean they can’t achieve anything. With the kind of life given to them, they learned to appreciate what they have and make the most out of it. Instead of complaining, they used this to motivate themselves to strive harder to accomplish what they really want. This drama will give you a slice of life as you found yourself rooting for the characters as they go after their dreams with vigor and fighting spirit.

3. ITAEWON CLASS

“I’m a rock. Go ahead and sear me. I won’t budge an inch because I’m a rock. Go ahead and beat me up. I’m a solid rock. Go ahead and leave me in darkness. I’m a rock that will shine all alone. I don’t break, ash, nor decay as I go against nature’s way. I survive. I’m a diamond.” -Diamond Poem by Gwang Jin

A past tragic life. Imprisonment. No family. That’s enough reasons to give up on life, but not for Park Saeroyi. Itaewon Class narrates a story of overcoming darkness. It’s a story of growth and patience. It tells you that life isn’t supposed to be linear. It’s not supposed to be a flat line of happiness and forever smiles. It is a constant surge of ups and downs and of twists and turns. It tells you that life wasn’t meant to be easy. But it will also show you that failure will one day lead you to your destiny. That you need first to be broken in order to shine, to be crushed and pressured in order to transform.

Park Saeroyi will teach you how to fight your way back in life. Fall down seven times, and he will stand up eight. Ruin his dreams and he will show you he got backup plans. In this journey, he found friends that helped him build his dreams and make him a better person, just like in our own lives. People will come our way to encourage us, help us, teach us and support us.

In this drama, you will learn to cope up with fears of the unknown as you have people who will walk side by side with you until the end of the race. --- Whoever you are, whether you are in your teenage years, 20’s or 30’s, or whatever season you’re in, whether you’re starting another chapter of your life or you’re closing another one, may your heart never ceased to hope and dream. If you get tired, it’s okay to take a break and rest. Then get up the following day and start taking steps again toward your goals.

I know it’s easier said than done. But I hope and pray that you find your motivations, your reasons, your purpose. I hope that you find the things that will ignite your heart and life to continue dreaming. P.S. The OSTs of these dramas will also inspire you and can give you major LSS ????

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They say time heals all wounds, but it has been ages - is heartbreak exempted?

I have forgotten when was the last time we shared a smile - the last time when I saw the glow in your eyes and the last time when you whispered an I love you to me. I have forgotten when, but here I am - writing to you again.

I do not know if you will read this or you will just add this one to my proses and poems that you left unread, but you see, I am still hoping. I am mailing the pain of us to the gods out there - hoping they can take the pain away. I should have gotten over you, but instead of forgetting and accepting our ending, I am writing about us in tissue sheets, carving about us on trees, telling about us on the back of my journals, hoping that a thousand or a million write ups about us, can make me forget about what happened.

I am writing, waiting for the point where I can no longer write anymore, for I have none to tell - but when? I have nothing in me anymore, but the memories of us - and no matter how hard I try put those to its own grave, the memories grow back like lilies in the swamp - painful and beautiful at the same time.

No matter how hard I try to silence those and put it at the back of my mind, those ring back, playing like the favorite song we used to listen. They say heartbreaks turn into poetry and that is what happening to us - but poetry should be dulcet and dreamy, why does ours sound like pain and agony? They say time heals all wounds, but it has been ages - is heartbreak exempted? Darling, I guess not.

Anne Luna Just now

This is a drawing and a poem I’ve made for a summer love. Our time together was short-lived but the feelings were not.

“God’s Gift”

On a platform we stand

Faces seen all in a blur

Relentless searching led by a spur

To find someone, to feel something

Aren’t we fools to waste away time?

To look for one man’s treasure

Somewhere as ephemeral, as fragile

As a bond built in crime

But aren’t we just like every weary heart?

Hoping for an oasis

In the midst of the desert

Wanting to quench our thirst

Aren’t we all like frosted windows

Of old and battered houses on winter?

Wishing for the sun to give us warmth

To melt the facade so we can show what the inside is made

Aren’t we maven pretenders?

A Casanova? A Temptress? Who made us this way?

A sly fox? A ruthless hunter?

Let down the walls, It’ll be okay

Rushed for a hug, now no hesitating

Engulfed by a sense of bliss or was it longing? Eyes wide-open,

Stepping on a quicksand I embraced the fall into the deep end

Gazed at you lying there unaware With you, found something rare I swear

Realization dawning as loud as a thunder

As the Beating of your heart put me into a deep slumber

Waking up from this reverie

Truth slapped me back to reality

Two worlds so different, now I see If only I could I’d be anything and anyone you need me to be I’m the ludicrous clown, you see

Thought if I ruin it first I’d be free

From the doubts brought by my own insecurity I was so wrong,

What a tragicomedy Brought by the month of April

We rushed the ticking of clock to May Hands interlocked

Weaved skin to skin on a rainy day But when June came to say hello, all went dark grey

What was once there ceases to exist Like the wilting of a flower

Once so beautiful, so full of life Now turned into dust by death’s kiss

Unbounded joy brought by your presence

Paralleled with the perennial ache of your absence Yearned for and offered seventh heaven

Now the heart weeps for evanescence

A mirage, to be the fair maiden The sorrow to find out I’d end up our own villain

But all’s well for you are but a distant dream Gamaliel, You are, I knew it from the very beginning .

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