Today, I am sharing my mother's story. I wish my mother was a constant in my life, like an angel who guards you to sleep and comes right there when you called. But angels come back home too, in heaven where they always belonged, and my mother went back a little early. My mother died when I was 13 years old. My last memory of my mother: Letting go when you are not yet ready is a very cruel thing that one has to ever experience. It is a sudden wave of total sadness and desperation crashing into your very core.

On the 28th of July 2013, we went to a resort in Bataan for the employees’ getaway. My parents own a 7-11 franchise, and it had always been a tradition to give their store clerks a get-together every year. I remember very well the last breakfast I had with my mother. The Sunday morning sky was clear and sunny, and the sea was calm and tranquil as we ate our breakfast on a cottage under the tall palm trees. She shared with us a strange dream she had the other night. She dreamt about an unknown woman holding an ice pick chasing her down on a dimly lit street, then she woke up just before the woman could grab her arm. We never knew what that dream exactly meant and now, I wished I never knew its meaning. After breakfast, my family and our employees decided to take a swim at the beach. The day was nice. The morning air may be chilly but the sun’s kiss on our skins gave us warmth. It was perfect. Everything is fine and the tides are low which made it very enjoyable to swim. We swam a little farther from the shore and we stopped to the point where the water reached our shoulders. We were talking about the good things in life and reminiscing the good old days. Those are the things that I’ve always loved about my family because I never had a meaningless conversation with them.

A few moments later, we heard a panicking call for help from one of our store clerks. It was Rachel. She was struggling to keep her head above water. She was already drowning but the odd thing was, she was only a few feet away from us. At first, we thought she was just playing around until we felt the sand in our toes dissolving like powder. It felt like as if the seafloor submerged deeper. I remembered sighting the shore and it seemed so close yet very far away. We were all panicking at that time. No one knew how to swim except my mother so without having second thoughts she swam towards Rachel and called out to my father, “Yung mga anak mo! Dalhin mo sa pampang yung mga anak mo!” and I never thought I already heard my mother’s last words to my father. I was paddling like a dog, gasping for air, as I say a little prayer to God to take us all back to safety. I felt my father grabbing our swimsuits, trying to lift our bodies so we can breathe even though he was also struggling to keep himself alive. Once I felt my toes touch the ground, there came a veil of relief that covered my whole body. As soon as my father and my sister made it to the shore we started calling out for help. There were no lifeguards on duty at that time, no personnel, nor guards. I saw my mother already floating in her stomach. We sighted a boat sailing nearby, we waved our hands and called for their attention. They almost ignored us because they cannot comprehend what we were trying to relay but the good thing was a passenger in the boat noticed my mother and Rachel in the water.

My mother’s body was laid on the shore. She was unconscious and her whole body was pale as white. My father performed CPR but my mother couldn’t get the water come out of her mouth because the food she ate earlier got stuck in her throat and blocked the passage. A concerned tourist offered his car to deliver my mom in a nearby health center or a clinic of some sort since the hospital was miles away from the beach and she needs immediate care. My father told us to stay in the hotel room and prepare mom’s belongings so that if she wakes up she has fresh clothes to change into. My sister and I finished packing our things and waited for our father to pick us up from the hotel. I was crying and I couldn’t stop myself because I was afraid to lose my mother. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be if I lose her that day. Moments lasted until we heard a knock on the door and it was my father, crying, and apologizing to us. He hugged me and my sister tightly and saying, “Sorry, anak, sorry hindi na uuwi si mommy, sorry hindi ko nasagip si mommy”. And that was the moment I felt sinking into the ground. I never knew what to feel at first. I was numb because my worries were now actually a reality that I have to live in. I was at shock because I am now one of the kids in those cliche teleseryes who lost a mother at an early age. We went to the health center to settle everything. The clinic was very small and it sure did lack equipment. He told us to stay in the car. I wanted to see my mom, but I know he never wanted us to see her like that. I didn’t know what to feel. I was having high anxiety levels that my stomach is churning and I wanted to vomit. I got off the car and entered the health center to find the restroom. When I was finding my way around, I passed by the emergency room. I saw my mother lying in a foldable bed, lifeless, her hands dangling from the side of the bed, she has violet bruises on her skin, and her body was partially covered with a white towel.

That is when it sunk into me that she’s dead and never coming back. My father asked the others to just commute back to Manila because what we need right now is comfort from our family. The drive back home was one of the most painful memory I had as a kid. My father was in the steering wheel crying his eyes out. We drove from Bataan to Pampanga. We went home to my grandmother’s house, the nearest house that we can call “home” because how are we still going to be “home” without her?

Once we reached Pampanga, we stopped over to the gas station and my father made some calls to our loved ones to tell them that my mother passed away. He then called my aunt to help him arrange for the funeral. We got home and my grandmother hugged us and told us to get some rest. Already tired of crying, I went to sleep for a while. I woke up and for a second, I thought everything that happened the other day was all just a dream. That she was there in Manila, sitting on the couch reading some furniture magazine, waiting for us to go home. But that’s how cruel life is, right? I got up and weirdly, I felt sands in the bed. It was gray, just like the ones on the beach. I thought maybe it was just dirt but it was a fair amount to believe that maybe she visited us before she left. - ?

Hello! Sharing my first story in Wattpad!

Secrets....

What more can I say? Secrets are the phantoms haunting us and the people around us. It serves as a constant reminder that you were dishonest. I always think of them as silent whispers lingering on our ears and our minds. A secret does not only destroy you, it destroys the one who cares about you. Many are willing to pay for their secret, the question is, how much are you willing to pay for your own?

Planning a photoshoot isn’t that simple as you thought it would be, that is if you really want to come up with an elegant output. But worry no more, you can be able to do it in no time with the following tips:

1. Determine a Concept.

Photoshoot is a form of communication. It is an artists’ way of expressing themselves. When building a photoshoot concept, always keep in mind that you are not building it for yourself. But instead, you are doing it for everyone you want to communicate with. So in order to express yourself, do not settle with some mediocre concept. Be creative with it. Always bring with you your handy-dandy notes and keep recording your ideas, even the silliest ones. Sketch, draw, or even make an essay about it. Most importantly, burn with the idea of making it happen. For starters, check out Pinterest for more creative ideas.

2. Tell a story.

Ask yourself, what story would you like to tell everyone? How would you like to tell it to them? Is that story relatable to everybody? If you have the answers for each of these questions, then you are way ahead than everybody else. When you are having a photoshoot, you do not just aim and click your camera whenever and wherever you like. You have to consider the relevance of the shots you are taking. Remember, you are telling a story. And a good story needs to be planned. So take your time with constructing your own story. The rest will go along with it.

3. Pick your Location.

Any location will do as long as it connects with your idea or concept. You can use your garage, or even your backyard. However, if you decide to photograph outside, you may need to know a thing or two about photographing in a natural setting.

4. Timing.

In photography, you have to be poetic and playful at the same time. You must at least understand the technicalities of light. As they say, photography is a play of lights. Since we are talking with lights and all, what’s even more natural than the sunlight itself. Sunlight is like the holy grail of photography, especially when you are taking outside. I personally prefer either early in the morning or late in the afternoon, in which the sun provides us the most beautiful light we can see in a day — the Golden Hour. However, as a photographer, you have the freedom to choose your timing, which will of course suit with your own concept. So whatever you are aiming for with your concept, choose the time wisely.

5. Check the weather.

The more prepared you are, the better. Trust me! It’s very difficult to achieve your concept when it is contradicting with the weather, or you’ll end up switching your concept last minute.

6. Use a Prop!

Use props to help you execute your concept or narrative, and showcase your creativity. Interacting with something makes you more comfortable in front of the camera. However, pick only the ones which are relevant to your concept. You just don’t want to use a suit and tie attire if you have a beachy-vibe concept, right?

7. Styles and Color.

It is important to pick your style relevant to your concept and story to tell. Pick the right color that matches with your location, so that it will captivate the eyes of your audience. For instance, you can pick any bright colors and style if you have a lively photoshoot concept. On the contrary, monochrome colors if you want to tell a sad story in your photos.

Furthermore, you may not want to forget the most important thing for your model or as a model— the complete photoshoot outfit. 8. Reflection. As a model, check yourself in the mirror for styling and to practice your pose. This is important to build confidence in front of the camera.

I don't know. by Mariella Ysabel Amatus

I don’t know what to do. I feel lost. I don’t know what to do. I feel alone. I don’t know what to do. I feel abandoned. Dreams are things we ought to have. Without them, we might never know where will our future take us. We seem to be trained to have them. I want to be a nurse. I want to be a doctor. I want to be an engineer. I want to be a lawyer. Those are the lines children tell in front of people. It seems simple to dream. To have an ambition. Well, I thought it is. But, now, as I put a book on my lap, thinking about where my fate will lead me, it isn’t.

I feel drowned in the responsibility of knowing what I wanted. The season of college entrance tests are coming. Yet, I feel nothing but doubtful. I studied, but now, I am not doing such a thing. I felt so engrossed the last time I checked myself months ago. Now, I am unsure of what I want to do. I have to study. Yes, I know. However, I feel so dismissive to do something. I can’t even point out what’s the problem in me.

What am I doing? I must go, open some books, and study hard. But, I am never doing it in this present moment. Instead of challenging myself with tons of knowledge, I am here writing this passage with my mind resonating with unspoken words and truth. I seem insane, right? What will happen to me if I keep on doing nothing? Well, simple. I will never be successful - I know that. Then, what must I do?

Asking myself such a question will never suffice what I really need. Because, I’ve been asking myself questions all the time. Yet, I’ve never come up with answers. I don’t know what to do. I feel like being pained. I don’t know what to do. I feel like being tortured. I don’t know what to do. I feel like being misunderstood. I don’t know what to do. I don't know.