You think you'll never do it. You'll never tell that person who keeps you up at night how you really feel because you would rather suffer in silence than bare your soul and open yourself up to rejection. You don't want to ruin the relationship you have with them, however complicated or undefined it is.
Because it's just. Not. Done. It's not what society deems acceptable.
Because you know, with a certainty that knocks the wind out of you, that they don't feel the same way.
(Pick one, or all of the above.)
So you soldier on, negotiating with your rational side: You'll only talk to them when you absolutely have to, you'll hide them from your feed, you'll keep things platonic.
And you'll think you're doing fine, you'll think you've handled the situation. Until the day comes when something happens that just makes you snap—enough is enough, you need to know the real score.
Repressed for so long, the words will tumble out of you, raw, fast, tripping over themselves. For a few seconds, it will feel good to let it all out, so good that the nausea will hit you like a sucker punch. Your feelings are out in the open now, waiting to be reciprocated or rejected.
If it's the latter—which, more often than not, it is—the only thing you can hope for is kindness. Respect for your privacy. Some basic human decency. You couldn't have invested in someone who would be so cruel as to play with your feelings or turn you into a punch line, right? (If they can stoop so low, be comforted by the fact that you dodged that douchebag of a bullet.)
It will sting, and you will carry that pain for a while, but it will also make you stronger. You will come out of it a new person: smarter, braver, better equipped to handle anything.
You confessed to get a concrete answer from them, but more importantly, you did it for yourself. And you will be able to do it again—you will want to, you will. There's something incredibly liberating about being honest and direct and taking control of the situation, no matter the outcome. It won't seem as impossible as the first time, but it will never get easier. It's not supposed to.
Weeks, months, years later, you might look back and regret how, when, where you said it—but never the fact that you did. Cheers.
I'm Drunk, I Love You. is now showing in cinemas.