7 Things All Cool Moviegoers Know

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by Dyan Zarzuela   |  Aug 12, 2013
PHOTO Paramount Pictures/UIP
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So... I have a movie column now. When I started writing a TV column for candymag.com at the start of the year, I didn't think I'd be writing about movies a few months later. I'm not a hardcore, trivia-spouting movie buff, but I do believe in the magic of films, and I'm so excited to get this story started with you guys!

Last weekend, I watched Bakit Hindi Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo? with my mom (more on that next week). We found a nice spot in the theater, but a family of six sat behind us and was so rowdy that we had to move. I'm sure you've all experienced this lack of common decency in the theater, too: the noisy barkada, the crying kid, the dude who keeps texting, etc.

I wish there were separate sections for rude and decent viewers. I mean, we're all paying customers here, right? Guaranteed seats are cool, but guaranteed peace and quiet is the dream.

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And so I present seven things—seven commandments, if you will—that all decent moviegoers know.

  1. Thou shall not force a kid to sit through a movie not meant for kids. Because that kid will inevitably throw a tantrum that cannot be appeased by popcorn or "Sige ka, huhulihin ka ng guard."
  2. Thou shall not comment loudly, especially if you have nothing witty to say. "Ay, kitang-kita naman siya sa bintana." What, do you think we're blind?
  3. Thou shall not text or call. Take it outside.
  4. Thou shall not kick the seat in front. Once or twice is a forgivable accident; more than that, you're just plain annoying.
  5. Thou shall not make unnecessary noises using food packages. This is not Stomp.
  6. Thou shall not canoodle. Someone wise once said, "Get a room."
  7. Thou shall speak up against rude viewers. Go for the gentle shush before the not-so gentle "Shut up." If that doesn't work, then you can curse the living daylights out of them. Kidding! Kind of.

Watch this space every Monday for more of Dyan's weekly movie column.

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About the author
Dyan Zarzuela
Council of Cool 9, Managing Editor, Columnist
Stalks celebrities, watches TV, marathons movies, curls up with books, and flails at concerts for a living. Also: semi-hardcore Whovian.
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