PHOTO United International Pictures

Confession: I meant to watch the first three Jurassic Park movies before seeing Jurassic World, but opening day came and I just couldn't wait to see Chris Pratt in all his rugged glory. So I ended up seeing Jurassic World first, which I immensely enjoyed even if I spent most of the movie with my limbs all contorted and my hands covering half my face, and then spent the long weekend basically the same way as I watched the first two movies. (My heart seriously couldn't take another the third one.)

This Jurassic weekend taught me a few things:

 1  Rules may sometimes be meant to be broken, but not in the island where dinosaurs run wild. You willingly walked into a death trap—don't make it any easier for them!

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 2  A walk in the park, especially this one, calls for comfortable shoes. You know who cares if you look runway-ready while running for your life? No one. Sorry, but no one.

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 3  Side mirrors speak the truth.

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 4  So do kids. When they tell you there's a dinosaur outside their window, sometimes there's really a dinosaur outside their window.

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 5  Basically, listen to the kids. You never know if they're skilled hackers or quick-thinking geniuses. (More teeth!)

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 6  Bigger isn't always better. More often than not, it's deadlier.

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 7  Invest in waterproof phone cases if you insist on documenting things like this.

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 8  Respect > control. Animals as wild as these can never be tamed, only understood.

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 9  On the other hand, try not to get caught up in the cuteness and refrain from strangling the cuddly dinos. They have feelings, too!

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 10  When one door closes... it doesn't necessarily keep the raptors out.

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 11  But glass windows do the trick?

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 12  Never trust the ambitious scientist. Especially if he's the kind who doesn;t get old!

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 13  There's danger at every turn. Even the good guys aren't raptor-proof.

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 14  Never point shiny things at deadly dinos. I must've said, "Turn the flashlight off!" a hundred times during this scene. I mean, giiirl.

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 15  What she said. JK!

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