one shot- story of my own
I always dream of my own romantic story. Something I’ll cherish all the time. Something I’ll never want to forget.
I have seen tons of movies and series that caused me bucket of tears for every blissful reunion the two main characters of each story would have. There were even times that I felt butterflies on my tummies just because the guy in the story did something sweet. I even smiled unconsciously for every simple gestures of love the couples would portray. Of course, there were also moments when I would wipe my tear streak cheeks with the back of my hand for every pain and sorrow the lead character would exhibit. I felt my heart ached, broken as well. I found myself in love along with them.
And every after each story that touched my heart, I would ask myself, when will I ever have my own story of happily ever after I can tell?
I closed the notebook and tuck it under my pillow. Instead of lying down and wait for sleep to get on me, I stood and walked towards the door. Fresh air, I guessed would be a little help to clear things on my cluttered mind. I have been thinking a lot the past few days and it didn’t seem to do any good on me.
I tiptoed as I descend from the stairs. It’s past midnight and I didn’t want to disturb anyone on their sweet dreams tonight. On second thought, I just didn’t want to get caught, for once, I want to be alone.
I have always lived my life gregariously. But tonight’s different, I found myself searching for bliss in solitude.
This outing was supposed to tighten the bond among us, to know deeper about one another. We’re supposed to mingle and make some fun but I guessed the timing wasn’t right for I had no intention to do any of those. I joined them but never fully involved myself.
The narrow staircase obscured by the pitch black night seemed to be tamed, despite being pseudo blind walking downstairs; I reached the last step safe and sound.
I looked around to ensure if there’s anyone beside me who was still awake, I crossed my fingers praying to heavens that there’s none. The piercing silence then assured me. It took forever before I opened the front door. I wasn’t sure if I was taking extra care to avoid it from creaking or I was preoccupied by the marvelous carving on it. The small amount of light passing through the living room’s window illuminated the detailed carvings.
The moment I stepped out, the cold breeze lashed against me, making me shiver. I should have brought my jacket with me. The wind blew and it mingled with the scent of flowers from everywhere. It felt so peaceful. For a fleeting second, I seemed to forget every painful thought I had in mind. I closed my eyes trying hard to breathe in every lovely smell in the air hoping it would bring pleasant thoughts. But the more I pushed myself from forgetting every single ache the more it stung. The heart throbbed more in agony.
I opened my eyes, this wasn't getting any better. That when I realized I was crying silently. Oh god, the waterworks. They won’t stop even if I begged them. Then I guessed, this was the only time they could fall without restraint. I hadn’t cried again since then, only now.
I wiped my cheek like I always did with those tear jerker stories I have watched. The only difference now was that, these tears weren’t somebody else’s sadness, they were mine. My own pain.
The calmness that surrounded me a few seconds ago seemed so distant now. I couldn’t find it any more; just like how the sweet memories I had a week ago had gone into nothingness. I was weeping inside and out. The pain struck every single nerve in my body. Tiny little pins stabbing me endlessly.
Suddenly, I found myself swimming in a pool of memories that brought this pain. I was down on my knees begging him not to leave me alone. I was crying so hard that words are barely comprehensible. The sobbing was harsh that I couldn’t breathe. His words rung in my mind like loud noise making you deaf. I hardly endured it. I would have hit my head on the wall for desperately wanting to escape. But his words were too powerful. It imprisoned me in gigantic thickset boulders and left me with no way out.
We’re over. I don’t love you anymore. His words unyielding, with authority. It was as if I had to follow orders.
No. Please. Wag. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang wala ka. Not when I love you more than my own life.
I held his arm using all the strength that was left. I didn’t want him to leave me. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, so many why’s and what’s but I couldn’t raise any of them. I just wanted to plead and make him stay.
He didn’t show any remorse. His face was blank, unfathomable. He didn’t even look at me all those times that I begged. He eluded countless of eye contacts I tried to make. And when he finally looked at me, our faces few inches away, his eyes mirrored the look of fury. His brown eyes full of passion and love had long gone that precise moment. The eyes I have always loved were completely unfamiliar now. They weren’t the eyes I have always cherished. It wasn’t the pair that promised eternal love. I didn’t know those eyes.
He held my hands. I could feel the stiffness in his hands. The warmth was gone too. It was bleak and powerful that no matter how I kept clinging onto his arms, he took it out in a second.
“No. Please. Wag. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang wala ka. Not when I love you more than my own life. ” And with that, I was alone.
I never thought it would happen that way. Never had I imagined for us to end up and become completely strangers to one another. When I thought everything was on its rightful place, a cruel wind blew it all away.
My eyes were blurry I could hardly see a thing. I was already sitting on the grass. I didn’t seem to notice that it was damp due to slight rainfall earlier.
I heard footsteps walking towards me. I immediately wiped the tears though I know, I would still be obvious. My eyes would still be puffy, blood shot. I still wiped it anyway.
“Aren’t you cold?”
The voice sent shivers to my spine. I could hear a note of worry the way he uttered the words. I didn’t answer for I was sure enough that my voice would give away.
He draped his jacket on my shoulders. I recognized the scent. My eyes were stinging again, bucket of tears would follow, that I was certain of.
“Sana nagsabi kang lalabas ka, delikado pa ring mag isa.” His words were calm and I hated it. Why did he care? Didn’t he tell me that we’re over a week ago? We shouldn’t be on speaking terms this fast.
A week time surely bottled up the words I’d wanted to hurl at him. I suddenly felt a white hot rage at the pit of my stomach. I was nearly going insane.
“Bakit?” My voice breaking into sobs. “Anong pakialam mo? Didn’t you push me away?”
I waited and it took him a minute before saying something.
“I’m sorry.” was all that he could muster.
“Sorry?” I laughed mirthlessly. “Sorry lang? After all those words, all those pain. Sorry? Anong kayang gawin ng sorry mo Mike?” I was suddenly filled with anger. Who wouldn’t be?
“Hindi ko sinasadya.” Without even looking, I knew he was crying.
“I don’t understand. Bakit? Bakit mo ko iniwan?” I turned to face him. The mere sight of him, with tears on his face, my anger crashed drastically. Every single strand of fury that my feelings have weaved a few minutes ago broke free. I wanted to run to him and hug him tight. After all, he will always be the person I love.
“I’m so sorry. That’s all I could say.” We’re on arms length away as we shed tears together. I didn’t know how long, it didn’t matter to me. Next thing I knew, he was crushing me softly in his hug. I did the same. I’ve been missing this.
“Can we pretend that nothing happened? Kahit ngayong gabi lang.” For that matter, I just nodded.
“I miss you.” I said gently.
“I know. Tomorrow, I’ll let you know why.”
I simply nodded for nothing else mattered than him that time.
We let go of each other, surprisingly it felt home.
We smiled to each other as if we hadn’t cried. He held my hands and we walked. The gentle wind blew once more and the tranquility was back. The scent of the flowers, the sound from concealed insects and the breeze, even the clear sky were all in harmony now.
We came to a halt when we found a children’s playground situated beside a vacant lot. He led the way to the swing. Few light posts illuminated the playground. We sat in a comfortable silence. A brisk flashback of what had happened played on my mind. Truth be told, there were still questions left unanswered. Actions left hanging. I knew I would face them one by one eventually. I was in deep thought when he pulled me back as he spoke.
“Trust me Julia. Yun lang, trust me and I’ll make it up to you. “
“I will.” I smiled. I stood and walked few steps away.
“I have always trusted you and I always will. What happened a week ago was really a blow. I didn’t understand any of it. And I won’t if you won’t let me. Need to know, Mike. Hindi ko alam kung anong problema at kailangan pang umabot sa ganong point. But if you’ll trust me too, maybe we can fix it together. I love you and I’ll always will. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, I already love you more than my own life and I don’t ever want to live without you. Need to know. Maybe that’s all we need. “
He didn’t answer but I heard him closed the distance between us. He hugged me from behind and all the pain seemed to disappear forever. I thought, it was a simple gesture of love yet the sweetest.
“I was damn stupid for hurting you that night. Saying those words were more painful for me than you could ever think. I’m so sorry for deciding on my own. For being unworthy after everything you’ve given me. I love you Julia, and I always will.”
We walked back and as soon I reached my room, I grabbed the notebook and propped it open. I had some storytelling to write.
