A Part of It - Hatching eggs crackle.

[adle]

A weasel comes to say 'Happy New Year' to the chickens

I saw them marry each other. I heard their vows and watched them kiss. I was there when the priest pronounce them man and wife. I was there.

I witnessed how they fell in love. Like a spectator in a sold out play, I watched in daze, just watched, just looked, unable to do anything, powerless to make a change to the already finished script. I might have booed or jeered but the ending, the ending remained the same. The two of them with the happy ending and me, still the same, a face part of the audience.

How many years has it been? Nine? Eight? Ten? When did it all start?

Third year of high school.

If only Dad needn't have to transfer maybe, maybe everything would have been better. If only I followed the neighbour's advice to go to that other school maybe my life would have been easier. If only I chose that other class the counsellor showed me maybe my heart would have been happier. If only I hadn't picked that empty seat maybe… yes maybe… I wouldn't.

Pathetic.

A decade has passed and here I am eating cordon bleu and still munching on what if's of the past.

This is a repost.
I first put up this story about two years ago and was deleted since I disappeared for a year or so because of work and school.
But now I am back.
I'll prolly update every 5 hours since I have a bunch of chapters ready to be posted.
So I hope those who were reading this are still out there.
 

[mikaayre]

hi. i'm Jane. new reader. support ko to. 

[adle]

Darkness Reigns at the Foot of the Lighthouse

I'm already eating the bounty of their wedding day and still im wishing things to be undone. I'm the worst and yet at this very moment that one girl who earned my envy and jealousy for the last ten years is now shrieking in joy upon seeing me amongst true well wishers, tears now welling in her face.

How would I smile? Will I manage to crack one just to appease the asking eyes of the crowd that had been caught by her always so eye catching nuances? I tried, tried hard, and I think the most that I managed was a twitched at the left corner of my lips. I just hope that would do, force me for some more and I might as well crumble into pieces.

She shouted my name, forgetting how she should have acted a little more less like herself just for the sake of that immaculate gown, traje de boda, as how my mom still insist to call it. She screamed like how she used to back in the old days, back when we were still wearing those pleated green skirt and sailor blouses with choking neckties. But right now she's shouting my name so that everyone would know the name of the woman who might strangle her sooner or later.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

And there she is inside my arms which unknowingly and foolishly opened themselves to accommodate that small frame but which I still remember can be fierce at the most affable time.

She was sobbing now. Oh great! Just great! About a hundred pair of eyes looking at me like I'm some kind of rare artifact in an Egyptian exhibit. Rare yet boring.

Those seconds just felt like an eternity and inside my head I just knew that the devil is teasing me, trying my self control, the control for my sanity on not to slit this woman's throat and grabbed her widower and run off.

Speaking of the widower here he comes. The same grin he used to wear when we played hooky during Friday's as he helped me down the low wall that separated the school from all the fun life was offering.

Nothing had changed, he didn't grew any taller because I swear if he had been another inch taller Yao Ming will be kick out of NBA and be replaced by him.

He closed the space between me and his little puny bride.

"FLO." He smiled, he grinned.

Don't call me that. Don't call me that.

You married her! How can you call me that name? That name that only you can say and melt me in an instant.

You're cheating to your wife already!

Don't call another woman a name that sweet and cause her to flow with fluids here and there. Not in front of the woman you married.

Of the woman you love. Of the woman who used to hate you severely. Of the woman who almost killed me with jealousy. Of the woman who considered me as her best friend. Of the woman who owns your heart fully, entirely, without a scrap hoarded.

Jin don't call me Flo in front of Melis. Please don't.

I did say something about posting a lot, didn't I?
so here it is.
 

[mikaayre]

ouch. i felt the hurt too. the man she loves/d just married her bestfriend, just thinking about it makes me sad.  anyway, next! 

------------

hey, you're from canada? where? i'm in canada too! teka, nakakapagtagalog ka ba?

[adle]

Captivating in the street, dead in the kitchen.

That summer was the hottest summer I can remember.

And yet we spent it breaking more sweat packing loads of stuff, killing our muscles carrying tons of boxes, exhausting our lungs dusting off every nook and cranny.

But still we moved a month after and the summer heat should have been fading to make way for the rainy month.

I came running to that rough iron gates on a Saturday. Its the day my mom will finalize my enrolment to my new high school. Classes already started, after much contemplating and nonsensical considering we finally decided what school I should attend. Gah! A junior who still needs her mom to accompany her, what a shame!

The school ground doesn't look too bad, way smaller than my previous school but the building are decent enough, a covered court/gym with a formidable looking stage, a tree thrown here and there and some benches lying under each shade possible.

From across the office I can see a tiny pathway leading to somewhere, where in I can see still a couple of roofs, so I guess there's more to this place than the tiny space I'm already seeing.

I sat alone at the waiting room and let my mom do all the talking. The clerk who's doing all the work doesnt seem to mind that I am not enthusiastic at all for my new school.

I'm just your typical teen age girl (plus the fact that I am a beauty XD), having to end my sleep all you want days is a sure pain if not super uber frustrating. Yeah, I am happy to go back to school and meet new people plus find myself a new boyfriend but still, isn't sleeping still the best?

Oh well, now that it comes to this I must just as well look forward to the next best thing to sleeping, having a boyfriend.

WAHAHAHA! If my mom would hear this by the next minute you'll know me as Mari Floren One Ear.

Speaking of boyfriends, I broke up with mine (or should I say my most recent one) as soon as I learned about our dad's transfer, that was three months ago. I didn't even bother to think about it, it even came like an after thought before I went home on our last date. It didn't really matter anyway, sooner or later than that day we would have broken up, and we both knew it. Why? Because we're just the same, we got together knowing each person's game. Martin, a comrade. I wonder when will our little journeys both end.

Because you told me so, here it is.
 

[mikaayre]

typical mind of a teenage girl... full of thoughts about boys!  nice. haha.

[adle]

She, who is choosy often picks the worst.

That morning after many choices had been made, my life took a turn and predicted my future. I started with jealousy.

I was pissed to know that Maki gets to have a ride to school since her school is along the way to dad's work while ever sulking me wont. My dad is late for his first day of work and there I was having a fit about not getting a ride to school. How inconsiderate.

Grumpy looking, I walked out of the house slamming the iron gates with a bang, cussing for it to break and fall apart. I walked and hailed a trike with a loud reprimanding shout from my mom.

Bad day.

And I should have put that firmly in my head before i sat in my new chair, in my new classroom, in my new school, in my new city, in my new province and got all dreamy for my new seat mate.

If only I did that, if only I hadn't forgotten that that was a bad day and that day will never produce anything good, maybe I wouldn't be eying this newly wedded couple with envy, envy that would make people see me as a green mass gulping down a glass of margarita.

He sat beside me and gave me his hand for a shake as soon as I slumped down. Not very lady like, I know.

I just saw the hand first and when I looked up, God knows how love at first sight seeped into and through my veins.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

But Allah, Buddha! His smile was the best thing ever!

His uniform that hangs on his shoulder with the buttons undone and a white shirt that reads: the man (arrow up) the legend (arrow down) never looked so cool, kakkoii as how Maka the jap exchange student always say (to everything).

He looked like he was ready to strut the cat walk.

He's tall. Even while sitting I need to crunched my neck up a little more than little.

"Jin." His smile breaking into the sunniest grin.

At that moment, I thought he was a guy with no worries, with all the joy, with all the pranks, with all the laughs.

But what do I know?

He was clad with a different cloth that I'm not fit to discern.

It wasn't me who had seen through it.

It was the thickest, liveliest wool. comely, warm, and dark.

The writing style of this story will get confusing, just a warning.
Two years ago when I was writing this, I would usually get up in wee hours and type up whatever little idea i had and post it right away.
There wasn't any definite plot and for a while it would run-about senseless.

HOLD ON!

[mikaayre]

thanks for the warning. i'm starting to get a little confuse actually. haha.

[adle]

The bittermelon is not yet cooked but the squash jumped in.

Heaven is just a sin away.

How true can this be? Just a snap of the neck, a thud on the head, a bang on the chest, and I might as well be happy and be in Neverland.

But that wont still be right. Yet every time she looked my way with her smile filled with joy and every time he waves at me I'll remember how those big semi-calloused hands held mine teasingly -- the devil is gaining ground.

"Mari Flo." I answered without meeting his look as I was still staring at his lips, never in that short thirty second did I part my eyes from his gorgeous smile.

"Kissable, aren't I?" He said and the 30 second heaven was cut off and a mischievous oh so yummy grin broke out.

"Yeah, very." I was not one to hide my flirting personality. Only old people hated it even on those days, a little boldness, a tiny act of being a dumb-o, and a pinch of false innocence can win you multitudes of guys, a number you wont even dare to dream when you decide to play it clean.

And I'm more than glad he isn't one of the old folks. He did not flinch with my answer and instead gave me a sultry pout enough to receive an angel's envy.

I laughed hard and loud.

On my first day in school I made my own world and I knew who will be the second person in it. Jin. J-I-N.

But I wasn't decided yet who'll be the third one on that day. And neither was I told that Jin have quite a baggage on his back.

That morning break, I met her.

Jin was breaking me with insane laughs when in a jiffy his face became a silent serious facade. As a girl passed by us, I continued walking without even realizing what was happening.

Jin's change of face and the trigger of it.

"Melis." A faint murmur that called me as I was already few steps ahead of him.

He was rooted there and the girl didn't turn but stopped midway of a step as if seeing !@#$ on that particular landing and then decided she doesn't care and continued her pace.

But truth be told I wasn't that smart to see anything extraordinary on that particular moment.

Heaven's just a sin away.

How true?

A sleeping lobster is carried away by the current.

I should have known at the moment that something was not right between those two. The air just got rearranged by two molecules and the feeling was stiff. I should have known. I should have known that my simple flirt and spurt wouldn't win him over that one.

But the sense of losing is not fully grasp and understood until one, or should I say me, is knocked out and bruised black and blue. I just had to cling, cling until they made their way to each other, until they made it official, until they made it to sacramental.

I should have stopped and listen and watched what was happening in front of me two weeks after that.

Now that nothing can be done is when I recall every thing. Isn't that funny and frustrating?

If only I asked around why everyone went hush hush after I read aloud the name of that girl's picture inside the cafeteria. A girl who was wearing a lacy apron awful to my taste smiling wildly holding a ladle and a turner as her scepter. 'Kelis Dominado: 199X Cooking Pro'.

I don't know how to cook. I'm not ashamed of that fact and neither do I boast about it. I don't think I'm less of a woman for not knowing how to cook other than those you pop into the microwave and presto you have your entree italiano.

Or if only I had realized why Jin would not take the sit by the window at the third aisle even though its the last place available or why every afternoon since we met we would go under the neem tree by the gym and stand there for a moment or two without doing anything or why we take the long route home when we can use the short cut (obviously?!).

If only I had known I would not have insisted on taking him to the club trip that i have the next month and harassed him to share room with me and my new found friend.

"Us three will share a room." I was ecstatic. "Don't worry Melis, Jin doesn't bite."

Jin, Melis, and Kelis. Where did I find myself in their world?

It will get better though not in another couple of chapters.
at least it would take a more sane approach to the story as it go by.

stay strong babe
 

[mikaayre]

whoa. hala. tsk. tsk. this is going to be an awkard and hurtful year for her. tsk. 

[adle]

No man is brave in the presence of a crying woman.

I'm still a virgin.

Hard to believe, right? Being a notorious flirt back in my younger years and changing boyfriends every now and then but still not getting laid.

I have a lot of reasons why I'm still a certified pure untarnished, untainted, unblemished girl (Lol, getting out of hand here XD). First is that I'm not made for that. second... there can't be a second one with that first reason being said. Laughs.

Well maybe there is, I have this dream, a silly one.

I dreamt of wearing my boyfriends over sized white polo shirt after a night of passion with my hair all tangled and my cheeks red flush. To walk on barefoot and have my long shapely legs dangling carelessly, that's my dream.

But every time I imagine it with any of my current boyfriend, none of them seem to fit. Either they are too skinny to have some over sized shirt or they aren't the type to wear a white one.

And after ten years of dating as I have said I am yet to find a boyfriend that will fulfill that dream.

Once upon a time I almost willingly forgot that fetish of mine, you guessed it right: with Jin.

You see, I really fell badly for him, I was okay with just an oversize t-shirt, I was okay with a colored one, I was okay if it won't be in the morning. I was okay, I was okay with whatever as long as its with him... but its not okay with him, the shirt, the color, the dream, nothing's okay... I was the one whose not okay.

"Bartender, you're too cute for your job." I gave a winning smile to the bar guy who for half an hour now had been filling my glass with margarita. "Wanna go out on a date with me?" He smiled and maybe anxious to grab the opportunity he almost tripped himself. "But do you have a white oversize polo shirt?"

A frog in a well shaft seeing the sky.

I stared at the lime green margarita as it chokes with tiny bids of water running down the glass.

I don't like my margarita with salt, I think it often confuses my buds when the tequila base is of poor quality. One talent I have perfected from years of lavish drinking: spotting a good bottle of tequila.

My first taste was of a young age. How can I forget? Jo Asurin, my already sixth boyfriend at that time. The most perfect boyfriend one can dream of, perfect teeth, perfect eyes, perfect lips, perfect nose, perfect body, perfect hair, perfect character... just perfect for me. He's a total looker and when I first saw him I knew i just had to have him, and he's perfectly smart to take the opportunity to get the fairest lady. I totally adored him.

But then you ask, 'so why did you broke up?'

Because he's perfect. Smart enough to like me but too clever to fall in love with me. And I just had to let him go or I'll be the one to end up in trouble.

So you see I am not afraid to love but it seems I am not the perfect thing to love.

I heard the glasses tinkling... again. Do these people have some kind of fetish to see other people kissing? Because for like every other millisecond they will hit those fragile glasses furiously just to make those two smooch up each other, and I tell you they are both all too eager.

I gave out a snort.

Would you believe that I saw their first kiss? Can't my life be more miserable than that?

It is later than you think.

A lot of first was brought to me by Jin and Melis but not all.

As you already know by now, they were the root of my first and as of the moment and I hope to be the last (the pain is unbearable) heartache. But I never let myself shed a tear.

Never did a single tear was shed by my big brown eyes. It was there but I did what must be done to spare myself from further embarrassment.

"Mari, you weren't in love. You've never been in love."

"Shuddup! You moron! What do you know?"

That was the famous conversation between my sister and me just this morning.

She said I was never in love in the first place.

If I wasn't then tell me what is this pain inside my chest every time I see them together? What was that anger when I witnessed them blush just by looking at each other? Can anyone explain what other reason it can be when I was on the verge of cutting my own life than to sustain this pain inside my being?

Oh people, don't give me the crap of letting go if you really love a person. Aside from those sshole movies, where else did that happen?

Reward comes to those who wait but it comes faster to those who take. - heavenly sword. (I watched Maki playing it the other day)

I'm done with waiting and its been a decade and my reward isn't still within my grasp, should I do the take?

Love comes to those who believe it and that's the way it is.

"Flo, this thing... it wont work."

"Mari, I'll take this bunk."

"Great!"

That's how the camp went for two nights and three days.

A lot of first but not all first.

[mikaayre]

this chapter shifted from past to present and back to past again, right? tell me if im wrong.  so the three of them lived together then Jin and what's her face got together in the end. man that sucks.

[adle]

The nail sticking out gets hammered.

By third term everyone in school knows me, by face and by name, I won two pageant titles in a row, a first in the school history but it was not a biggie for me, it happens all the time. Chuckles.

But as how everyone knows me was as much as I was ignorant of everything else.

I was with the two person who everyone imagined would be impossible to put together. Well then, I guess I'm really special as how they all say.

Jin was and is (until recently) my best guy and Melis as the only girl who remained able to stand beside me without feeling inferior.

Isn't it funny how high school girls would feel inferior by beauty standard over any other character?

Now that I think about it, during that time I totally adore Melis. I love her small frame, her cute rare smile, her stern serious look, her agile body, her domineering attitude, her animal instincts, her love for food, and her insanity over swimming pools. Yes, I adore her just like a little puppy.

Until that puppy stole my eye candy.

People started gathering around the dance floor.

Ahh! The dance for the wedded couple. How splendid!

I was about to gulp down the last potion in my glass when I was grabbed and dragged to the center, off to the dance floor. I was dizzy from suddenly standing up and I just found myself being tossed around while the merry beat kept on going on and on.

Every other minute I was toss to a different partner as my mind gets clearer, I smile and laugh with every cue not even knowing if it was appropriate.

That was when I saw the new husband and wife laughing and dancing as wild as a merry maker amongst the crowd and a light bulb lit up on my head.

God if only I could dance with him, all my longing might as well be quenched.

Every partner I landed into was gracefully dragged by my leading feet closer to Jin, hoping that by the next change of partners I would fall inside his arms.

But fate is too cruel, the tiniest drop of water is denied to this thirsty lass.

I felt a hand making it's way around my navel down to my arse.

Calm down. Its only my butt.

I leaned in closer to my partner after giving him a seductive smile. He seems ecstatic believing he just caught a tramp.

"Do that one more time and I'll beat you all gore, you stinkin' fart!" I pulled out and give him another sweet smile. No one would have notice anything unusual, well maybe there will be because that guy was dumbstruck.

I grabbed my purse from the bar and motioned the attendant by the door for my coat.

There's no need to stay longer, there's nothing that can be done.

The play is finished. The dialogue was delivered. All that is left is for the audience to depart.

ahahaha...sorry
 
to be honest, these chapters are confusing even for me...
floren in present, then she gets flashbacks that uses verbs in present tense and past tense simultaneously.

but just a clue in, the actual story would be what happens to ren after the wedding. flash backs when they were in high school will be greatly diminished.

[mikaayre]

i'm not saying you suck. i mean Flo's situation sucks. there's nothing worse than watching the one you love fall for another girl. 

[adle]

You can't expect both ends of the sugar cane to taste sweet.

True or false? All is fair in love and war.

I felt the humid wind brush my face as I roll down the side window.

As I turn the next corner I shrugged off my coat while keeping the car in line. 'Tis a good thing the road is next to deserted.

I slowed down my speed from a 70 to a 40 and watched the street lights blinked to the night landscape of the city, cityscape.

I filled my lungs with the air wishing it is fresh as how everyone claims it not to be.

And when I blew it out that was when tears started to well up in my perfectly done eyes. And like maniacs, they run and flowed everywhere careless of all that they destroy, my mascara, eye shadow, blush on, and all.

The fight is over.

But had there been a fight in the first place? Ah, there was never one. No one even knew I was thinking about it, at times even myself forgets it. I force myself to forget. Its the cowards way out.

I blew out air a couple more times.

Blow one, blow two, blow three.

I have to calm myself. Mari Floren is an elite person.

I do not merely amplify a woman's potentials but I exude what a person is and can be. I must be strong.

Sabrina (my dog) should not feel anything, any pain and sadness from her master.

And I bet my sister whose loveliness would likely to compel herself to wait upon me and marvel the sight of an elder sister broken hearted. Oh how she would love to see me right now!

But many a thousand beating I have received already, another one would be much than a little too much.

It's a Monday tomorrow, hell might have broken lose tonight but the world tomorrow would never give a damn.

Mari Floren is defeated but is not a loser.

If you were to get the shorter end of the rope will it still be 'all is fair in love and war'?

TRUTH OR FALSEHOOD.

Thunder clap from a clear sky.

As I thread the lonely patio to my room apartment (which I so unfortunately share with my nasty little sister) I cursed every sound that goes in the air. Everything moves as if they are all against me tonight, even my key ring which I thought would at least be on my side made the most nerve rocking clang on the floor when my clammy hands foolishly shivered.

Oh GOD!

It took me an eternity just to fit that stupid key to the key hole and waited for any suspicious sound before turning it.

The coast is clear, no nasty sister on sight... or maybe not.

I was suddenly blinded by a flood of light as I walked into the small living room of our apartment.

My sister, as expected have that 'so-how's-my-all-mighty-sister-who-attended-the wedding-of-the-only-guy-she-wasn't-able-to-win-over-?' look, was standing by the light switch and snickering at me.

So, all the effort amounted to nothing. LUCKY!

I tossed my key ring to the sofa and flung myself with it as well.

"I lose... lost." And there I broke down again, right in front of my sister.

Losing is not new to me, only failures doesn't know what losing is, I'm familiar with it but it never hurts less anyway. It's always painful.

"Losing makes winning taste more succulent." My sister whispered and wrapped me inside her soft fatty arms.

"F-food again?... You're f-faat."

From squeeze I got squished.