@ Strawberry008 - Hi. Thanks for posting a question. Perhaps you are here, because you are either curious as to what answer you will receive, or perhaps you just need a friendly ear to listen to your problems or dilemma.
Perhaps you are putting too much importance in what others think about you, that’s why it seemed like what your friends say about you comes across as something that bothers you. Hence you end up feeling yourself versus the world. I totally understand that you act like one of the guys, more masculine, when you are with your guy friends, and that your perception is that they accept you as one of the guys. And when you are with your female friends you tend to act more effeminate with them. That is understandable.
You should do what you feel you should do. Ask yourself and see what your intuition tells you about the situation. Women’s intuition is strong and acts like a sixth sense of sort. Perhaps your guy friends are saying those things just for the sake of saying it. The next time you are hanging out with them, and things are well, why don’t you bring it up and ask him/them about it. And let them explain why they said that you like to hurt people. Also, you have to clarify what you meant by “blaaaahs” and “friend zone.”
It seemed he’s doing more than what he should do for an average friend. Perhaps there is an interest there. The best thing to do is have a nice good talk with him. Perhaps at a fast foods joint over some fries and coke, joke around, and then transition to a somewhat more serious talk. Just keep it brief, meaning short, like a few minutes. You don’t want to scare him away with a long serious discussion. Just get him to talk about how he feels about certain things, and then try to read what he says if he indicates any hints of interest towards you on what he said. Like you said, it’s not easy to observe people, but you can learn about him and his mannerisms and how comfortable he gets or uncomfortable when the short time discussion is about the two of you and what he likes and what you like in a relationship, and what either of you expect out of a serious one.
As for the other guy, not all the guys are the same, and not all guys will respond. If a guy likes you, some guys will do whatever you say, and these are the types you will get bored and tired with, because there’s no challenges to make the relationship grow. And there are the other guys that don’t care what you say, they’ll just do what they feel like doing even if they like you, because they know there are other girls around, and not just you. These are more of a challenge, and can be a good guy to have as he will not just follow you around like a love-sick idiot, and will actually bring something to the table of the serious relationship. Of course, the problem is getting hurt by him as he might leave you for another girl when things get boring, or if you and him fight a lot. But that is the mystery of love, no one can predict what will happen tomorrow in a relationship. That is why the two people in a serious relationship has to keep constant communication and has to work constantly to make their relationship work.
It’s hard to believe like you said. But that is part of life. Nothing is easy. You have to decide if you are willing to risk getting hurt to have a meaningful relationship. And believing is part of the risk. Love is like a gamble, and risk is part of the game. Everyone gets hurt in the game of love. Those who are not willing to risk, can choose to that also. You can ask those who are old women who are old enough to be your grandmother, and have never been touched or kissed by a guy. Most of them, never took a chance because they did not want to risk getting hurt. Now you can also see some older women who are happy single parents, or unhappy heartbroken single parents, or happily married women, or depressed and unhappily married women. They are the ones that risked to be in a meaningful relationship. If you are afraid, and you would settle to be an old woman who has never experienced a kiss from a guy, there is nothing wrong with that either. But obviously, you may very well be missing on some of life’s greatest treasures.
You don’t have a love life now. But you may very well have a love life in the future. There will always be a lot of jerks around a girl in her lifetime. But there will always be those one or two guys in a girl’s life who truly has genuine feelings for her who will treat her like a princess.
As for what you mentioned at the end of you post, “What am I supposed to do?” Don’t worry about what they may think. Worry about yourself. Just be yourself. Real friends will accept you for who you really are. And in real life you will see that the majority of your friends right now are not real friends, because only real friends are there for you in hard times. That’s where you will see real friends will show up, and you will be surprised as to who are your genuine friends.
There is nothing wrong with a long post. Thanks for your time posting and sharing and asking. I hope I was able to help. Take good care.
* * * * *
@ Lavender11 – You are welcome. Feel free to drop by anytime.
