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Poll

So what do you think of this story ?

5 Stars - Outstanding !
4 Stars - Very Well Done !
3 Stars - It's Good !
2.5 Stars - It's Kind of Okay
2 Stars - It Could Have Been Better
1 Star - It's Not For Me

Voting closes: May 05, 2011, 03:00:39 pm

Author Topic: The Writer's Notebook - Update coming up soon  (Read 2197 times)

johnny_madrid

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The Writer's Notebook - Update coming up soon
« on: March 19, 2009, 03:00:39 pm »
The Writer’s Notebook

Part 1


I hear a sound as if something heavy fell on the floor downstairs.

I turn off the computer and leave it as I found it. I switch off the light and slip into the corridor towards the door to the stairways. The steps on the floor are creaky, the sound of old and sturdy wood. I hear someone on the other side of the door.

I opened the door and it swings open really wide, and the old man flies right in, knocking me to the floor. I’m under him trying to get him off me, and I notice a warm pool of wet sticky stuff on the floor. I thrust the old man to the side, and he skidded on the floor to the other side. I roll over the opposite way and jump to my feet. I barely avoid a blow, as a goon in a motorcycle helmet with dark visor throws bolo at me. It’s a tagalog itak used by farmers which resembles a short sword machete. It stuck at the floor on an angle. He takes out a butterfly knife, and lunges at me thrusting upward.

I managed to upright my stance and block his knife thrust, but his force backed me up to the wall. I knee him, and he is moved backwards for the time being. But he still has the knife firm in hand. My problem is simple, if he thrusts at my heart and I dodge right, then I have another minute of life to live as if I didn’t avoid it at all. However, if he is reading my mind, if he is a professional, he lunges at me with a slight fake to the left, then he should be able to plunge that knife deep into my torso with a penetrating wound to my lungs and heart. It’s only seconds but it seems like we’ve been trying to read each other’s mind for a long time. His mind I am sure is one that is amused as if he has already won, and me, with the classic thought of one who is doomed. There’s a slight twitch in his right shoulder, which signaled me he will lunge within a second. I just react and jump all the way to the left. He missed, and the knife hits the wooden wall. I get up and turn towards him. His decision is whether to take the knife out of the wall, with the visor up or down. He must have had so much force because the knife is stuck so much in the wall, that he needs to put his foot against the wall and to pull on the knife with both hands.

For some reason my sense of urgency is calmed by this site. I propel myself forward and lunge at him. Wrong move. He stepped sideways and eluded me. I crash face down on the floorboard while he goes back trying to pull the knife, which he finally succeeds in doing so.

I get up and try to run to the door to go down the stairways but I slide on the slippery surface. Blood from the old man. Damn! I crash on my knees. My back is to the knife-man I gambled twisting to the right hoping he would be attacking me to the left. I feel the knife slice up my rib cage as I hit the floor once again. You can’t defend yourself when you are down. I turn facing upwards with my back to the floor. My worst fear appears before me. He has picked up the itak stuck from the floor and leaps towards me. I raise my right foot upwards and kept it there for a split second. I hear a scream and a loud groan which is familiar to all men as my assailant’s testicles hit the heel of my shoe, and his agony is covered by the visor of the helmet. The itak drops to my side. He rolls over and struggles to the door and stammers to the stairs having trouble standing, breathing, and thinking. I hear him slumping through the stairways and get outside.

My knees are paralyzed because of the way I landed on them. My pool of blood is now on the floor mixing with the old man’s blood. I am skidding on the floor trying to make my way to the old man. Then I hear the roar of the motorcycle and listen to it ride off. No good. He’s dead. The throat slipped from end to end.

I clutch my ribs and make my way to the bathroom. I put my hand in the sink, and the pink ooze of blood goes down the drain. Here’s the moment of truth. Who do I call? Should I call the Major? He’s probably in one of hs clubs. I shouldn’t call an ambulance, since there really is none around. I get my wallet out, and call “his” number from the Embassy. I dial the cell phone. I don’t know if it was his direct number. Someone answers on the other line. I speak in short sentences, and gasps of pain and tell them where I am and what happened. I lie on the floor and life begins to slip away. The feeling is not unpleasant. Although before I lose conscience I am tormented by the question in my mind. What happens next?
« Last Edit: April 20, 2009, 06:12:52 am by johnny_madrid »

pinkhope

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2009, 03:22:14 pm »
Nice. Ouch, the heels must have really hurt. I wonder who's "him"? But anyways, I'm liking the story so far. Can't wait for the next chapter. ^^
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untamed77angel

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2009, 03:24:49 pm »
Yes, what will happen next, johnny_madrid? ;)

But you should watch out for parallelism of verbs BTW, since some of your verbs were written in past tense while some were written in present tense. :)

johnny_madrid

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2009, 05:11:56 pm »
Yes, what will happen next, johnny_madrid? ;)

But you should watch out for parallelism of verbs BTW, since some of your verbs were written in past tense while some were written in present tense. :)


Your right on the tense and I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for pointing it out. But my prime concern right now is the flashback sequence. I want to marry up the introduction and bring the story up to speed up to the "right now" part of the story, which is part 1.

Nice. Ouch, the heels must have really hurt. I wonder who's "him"? But anyways, I'm liking the story so far. Can't wait for the next chapter. ^^


"Him" is going to be a contact person at the Embassy. I am going to use the flashback sequence on the next couple of parts to have the introduction and to bring the story up to where it is happening now, which is Part 1

pinkhope

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2009, 05:15:20 pm »
"Him" is going to be a contact person at the Embassy. I am going to use the flashback sequence on the next couple of parts to have the introduction and to bring the story up to where it is happening now, which is Part 1


Is "him" the one who likes to curse? (Eh.. doubt it) But anyways can't wait for the next one. ^^
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xang

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2009, 05:32:10 pm »
sino yung lalaking yun?? ??? nice story kuya!! :D and the "him"?? ??? may nahuhulaan ako dyan!! :D
Man alone is INCOMPLETE; Woman alone is UNFULFILLED

untamed77angel

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2009, 06:34:57 pm »
Your right on the tense and I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for pointing it out. But my prime concern right now is the flashback sequence. I want to marry up the introduction and bring the story up to speed up to the "right now" part of the story, which is part 1.


Ah, yes. The famous flashbacks. Nice approach, I must say. I'm a huge fan of flashbacks unlike others. :)

shawty24

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2009, 07:38:27 pm »
what an intense start up...lol
i think i would like this better
than the babaero incorp.
one question...
how many POVs are going to be here?
more than two?
just wondering...

im_numb10

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2009, 07:53:40 pm »

hmm..:D interesting ah..:D

parang naiisip ko na si HIM..haha

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johnny_madrid

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2009, 10:06:27 am »
hmm..:D interesting ah..:D

parang naiisip ko na si HIM..haha



Interesting. Ano ang description ni "him" sa isip mo. I wonder if with just that so very minimal information that he can actually be conveyed to the reader. Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.

what an intense start up...lol
i think i would like this better
than the babaero incorp.
one question...
how many POVs are going to be here?
more than two?
just wondering...


Intense. I guess it was the correct hook to use to acquire readers. Just get them right in the middle of the story at the heart of the action. Then work it from there. It takes their interest and gets them emotionally involved in the story. Wow, its been a while, but I remember you were one of the readers of a story I wrote, "That's Life". Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.

Ah, yes. The famous flashbacks. Nice approach, I must say. I'm a huge fan of flashbacks unlike others. :)


After hooking the readers, I've decided I will shed some information and give background information on the character and the plot via a series of flashback sequences. Like you, I love flashbacks as long as they are utilized in a good way. My favorite in books is when flashback sequences are done to give background to a modern story, and that flashback is in another time line in the decades past or more. Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.

sino yung lalaking yun?? ??? nice story kuya!! :D and the "him"?? ??? may nahuhulaan ako dyan!! :D


Sino yung lalaking sinaksak? The old man is just a character that 's not important. Let's just say he's the keeper of the house. Pero yung sinaksak sya yung protagonist. And yung sumaksak, he's just part of the villains. After the next couple of flashbacks light will be shed on the characters in the story. Sino hula mo? Not me. Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.

Is "him" the one who likes to curse? (Eh.. doubt it) But anyways can't wait for the next one. ^^


I'll update a little later at home. Well I am going to have one of the guys be the cursor. Usually that's one of the bosses. LOL. Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.

pinkhope

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2009, 10:40:32 am »
I'll update a little later at home. Well I am going to have one of the guys be the cursor. Usually that's one of the bosses. LOL. Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.


Haha ;D, I'm posting again :P. Okay, can't wait for the next one. :)
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xang

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2009, 02:48:33 pm »
SECRET!! :P mag-update ka nalang kuya para masaya!! :D
Man alone is INCOMPLETE; Woman alone is UNFULFILLED

johnny_madrid

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2009, 09:03:14 am »
SECRET!! :P mag-update ka nalang kuya para masaya!! :D


Thanks. Pero I don't know kung magiging masaya yung sinaksak na character. Now imagine bakit sya nasa room na yun and bakit sya sinaksak at inatake ng villain right? So I'm crafting a back story on that. Pero konting antay na lang and you'll get an update much later. And another update on Sunday.

Haha ;D, I'm posting again :P. Okay, can't wait for the next one. :)


Thanks. I've actually drafted the next update. And I've also outlined the next couple of flashback sequences. So I'll post an update later on when it's slow or when I get home. And another on Sunday.

untamed77angel

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2009, 09:26:56 am »
After hooking the readers, I've decided I will shed some information and give background information on the character and the plot via a series of flashback sequences. Like you, I love flashbacks as long as they are utilized in a good way. My favorite in books is when flashback sequences are done to give background to a modern story, and that flashback is in another time line in the decades past or more. Thanks for reading and posting a comment. Feel free to do it again.


I have to agree. Writers often use flashbacks. Some of them were delivered in a good way while some were done ever so clumsily, but it's still goes down to the readers. Don't get me wrong here, but some readers are just plain dense that you have to cautiously remind them that the part they are reading are flashbacks -- which personally happened to me in one of my stories. Gahd, it's annoying.

But I have a good feeling that you'll kick it off without a glitch. ;) So, post your update already! LOL. ;D

pinkhope

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Re: The Writer's Notebook: It Could Have Been A Better Day
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2009, 11:25:26 am »

Thanks. I've actually drafted the next update. And I've also outlined the next couple of flashback sequences. So I'll post an update later on when it's slow or when I get home. And another on Sunday.


Okay then, good luck with typing and updating. ^^
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