mica_bee
jellybean
Karma: +20/-3
Posts: 276
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« Reply #45 on: July 06, 2008, 02:38:12 pm » |
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Oh my.
Are you making a story? or are you making a REVIEW?
basically, the descriptions had done so much spoiler to the story.Can't you just put it in the content of the story?
If you put it that way it would make the story less exciting and 'boring' in the next chapter. There is no thrill, it's more like the story had ended. Exposing the characters and their roles in a detailed manner would mean disadvantage on your side because readers will only read the 1st post, hit and then run.
Thanks Aristotle for the honesty. I really appreciate thought it sounded a bit harsh. Sana next time try to put your constructive criticism in a nice manner. Many writers here in Creative Corner have their own style of writing. Giving descriptions of the characters is my way of introducing them. They are not as detailed as it may seem. If you think it spoils the story too much, then I’m sorry. Do you want me to take it out to make my story better?  If my story bores you, then I’m sorry again. There’s nothing I can do about it. Have a nice day ahead of you!  Thanks again.  ahaha.. ganian talaga mga guys na maraming gusto, nacoconfuse,
next na po, gusto ko na malaman sinong mas matimbang sa utak nia, hehe.. kasi wala pa naman ata sa puso nia eh,
thanks din, mag-update ako maya2.. 
Hahaha inaatake ako ng katamaran Mikx! Baka mamaya ako magupdate or bukas Thanks talaga! Haaaayyy David.
Celebrity. lolz.
Great chapter, Mica! Make a PM list and put me on it! [:
Thanks Gazell! I’ll put you if I make one. ang daldal naman ni David hehe
baka nga may pag ka sistah ka, tol like you said
wag naman sana
next na
Wahh wag sana siya maging bading! Hahahaha joke lang. Thanks talaga Lauren! HAHAHA may secret???
whyy? joke lang! ahah
ANG GANDA!!!! I LOVE YOUR STORY RIN!
CANT WAIT SA SUSUNOD!
Ahaha may pasecret secret pa! Thanks for taking your time reading Ella . |
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Aristotle
sugar drops
Karma: +18/-6
Posts: 27
Haptic
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« Reply #46 on: July 06, 2008, 03:08:51 pm » |
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sorry if i'm being harsh and rude though, but in any way, i believe i'm just stating my opinion.
aww, okay, i'll be nice.
true, writers here in Creative Corner have their own style of writing. I have my respect to that.
But i do believe that a reader has the right to have a say about what she thinks about it, right? and i think it's still up to the writer whether she would consider the opinion. I think that the description had spoiled the story, well it would still be up to you if you want to take it out. My point of stating my opinion is to tell you what you could also improve.
Hmmm, i don't want to think that it bores me, same with the other stories. I'm sorry if i was being harsh not only to you, I was only trying to tell the truth. But it seem like i failed to be nice, i'm sorry about that.
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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. |
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mica_bee
jellybean
Karma: +20/-3
Posts: 276
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« Reply #47 on: July 06, 2008, 03:22:54 pm » |
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It’s okay Aristotle Thanks talaga for being honest kasi not a lot of people would actually take time to leave a comment na ganon. I also agree na may say din ang readers ng story . Sorry if my previous post sounded na parang mean na ewan  . Sorry! Hindi ka na harsh sa paningin ko, nice ka na! Hahahahahaha Sige I’ll take out the descriptions nalang wala naman mawawala hehehehe. Peace? |
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Aristotle
sugar drops
Karma: +18/-6
Posts: 27
Haptic
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« Reply #48 on: July 06, 2008, 03:31:13 pm » |
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awww, i'm not trying to make war. Please don't tell that to everyone, if someone will find this out, she's gonna punch me harder in the face Lauren here, by the way. Your not really mean though, it's okay. and it's still up to you to do that. |
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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. |
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istarrific
cotton candy
Karma: +79/-64
Posts: 1648
Babyy, you make me go KUH-REYZZIE.
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« Reply #49 on: July 06, 2008, 03:34:51 pm » |
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Haha! Rish kid ka diyan. Hindi no. Sadyang peyborit place ko lang ang SM, wala kang makikitang SM dito sa lugar namen. Update ka nnaa! |
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We gain one, from Youth Love.
I`ve got a saviour and he`s living in me.
Whoa, I wanna know you TODAY. |
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mica_bee
jellybean
Karma: +20/-3
Posts: 276
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« Reply #50 on: July 06, 2008, 03:43:37 pm » |
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awww, i'm not trying to make war. Please don't tell that to everyone, if someone will find this out, she's gonna punch me harder in the face
Lauren here, by the way.
Your not really mean though, it's okay.
and it's still up to you to do that.
I took it out na wala naman masama mag take ng advice. Hahahaha. Punch you eh? Mica here btw. Thanks Lauren. Haha! Rish kid ka diyan. Hindi no. Sadyang peyborit place ko lang ang SM, wala kang makikitang SM dito sa lugar namen.
Update ka nnaa!
Wag ka na rich kid ka eh . But me? I’m pooor. Hahaha. Parehas tayo walang SM sa lugar Onti palang natatype ko eh baka bukas ko nalang ipopost Thanks Yang! <33 lab lab |
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istarrific
cotton candy
Karma: +79/-64
Posts: 1648
Babyy, you make me go KUH-REYZZIE.
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« Reply #51 on: July 06, 2008, 03:58:48 pm » |
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Hindi nga ako rich kid. Mahirap din ako na nasa abroad nga lang. Walang SM diyan? Asan ka ba?  I lablab you too.  |
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We gain one, from Youth Love.
I`ve got a saviour and he`s living in me.
Whoa, I wanna know you TODAY. |
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miEmiKsmiNx_003
cotton candy
Karma: +182/-30
Posts: 2582
being with YOU makes my day perfect... :)
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« Reply #52 on: July 06, 2008, 08:48:12 pm » |
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mica 2thumbs up! hahaha! i'm PM you why.. anyway, ako din ay nitatamad, ahaha.. tignan ko if magagawan ko ng up toh ngayon.. |
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mica_bee
jellybean
Karma: +20/-3
Posts: 276
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« Reply #53 on: July 07, 2008, 04:48:37 pm » |
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mica 2thumbs up! hahaha! i'm PM you why..
anyway, ako din ay nitatamad, ahaha.. tignan ko if magagawan ko ng up toh ngayon..
Mikx! Natutuwa ako sayo kaya ni-YAY kita! Hahaha. Ayos ba? Jokeeee. I lovee your update! Hindi nga ako rich kid. Mahirap din ako na nasa abroad nga lang. Walang SM diyan? Asan ka ba? I lablab you too.
Nasa SF ako Yang Wag ka na tamarin ay mag up up and away ka na <33 lab lab ko kayong dalawa
THANKS SA LAHAT NG MAGBABASA NG UPDATE KO ______________________________________________________________________________________ Chapter 5Joycelyn’s POVTwo weeks na ang nakalipas nung lumabas kami ni David. Masaya siyang kasama sa totoo lang . Hindi ako nabored kahit na ba mahangin siya ay nakakatuwa naman kahit papano. David has his own barkada na din kasama na dun si Prince, James, Mark, Kevin, at Jason. A lot of girls like their group. Whenever they pass by, every girls’ head turn to them . Mga loka loka. Hahahaha. Shay, Kristel, and I met another friend, si Regina. So everyday, sama sama kami kumain lahat kasi sabi nila the more the merrier . Uso pa ba yun? Hahahaha. Anyway, it’s Saturday and I’m bored to death. Wala talagang magawa dito sa bahay. Paglilinis nga ng kwarto nagawa ko na kahit labag sa kalooban ko . Hahahaha. I decided to call Shay to ask her if she can go to the mall with me. Calling Shay… “Hello my best friend napatawag ka? May kailangan ka noh?” Galing talaga netoh. “Huy samahan mo naman ako sa mall batong bato nako dito sa bahay. Pwede ka ba?”“Wrong timing ka naman Joyce! I’m already here sa mall kasama si David.” They’re together? Bakit masama ba? Ano naman ngayon kung magkasama sila? “If you want, you can come and join us.” Silence. “Hoy are you still there?” “Ha? Ano nga ulit yun?” Pasenya natulala eh. “I said you can come and join us if you want to para di ka mabulok diyan sa bahay niyo.” Mabulok? Gaga talaga toh. “Uhh.. Wag na lang baka makaistorbo ako sa inyo eh.” Baka masira ko pa DATE niyo. Selos ka naman? Asa. “Sure ka na diyan ha? Oh sige I’ll hang up na we’re about to order our food. Bye best I love you.” “Oh sige.. ingat kayo diyan ha. Bye best.” Hayyy kala ko pa naman may magagawa na ako. Nakahiga lang ako sa kama at nagiisip ng kung ano ano. Gusto na kaya ni David si Shay? Eh si Shay kaya gusto kaya si David? Hay nako Joyce wag mo ng isipin yun maloloka ka lang. As if naman I care if they like each other noh. Puh-lease  Sharayah’s POVPagkatapos ko kumain ng merienda, dumiretso nako sa kwarto ko at nagonline sa YM. 30 minutes later, someone messaged me. It was David. David: Shayy it’s me David. Shay: Oh hey what’s up? David: I’m so bored at home. Do you wanna go to mall and hangout? Shay: Hmm.. David: Is that a yes or a no? Shay: Geez, can’t you wait for my answer? I’m still thinking. 1..2..3..
Shay: Sige tara. Are we gonna meet up at the mall or are you going to drop by here sa house? Bilis ko magisip noh? Hahahaha.
David: Uhhhh.. I’ll drop by nalang sa house niyo. Just give me your address I’ll be there in an hour.
Eto talagang si David walang magawa sa buhay niya. Ako pa ang binulabog pwede naman yung mga kabarkada niya. Mamaya mapagkamalan pa kaming magkarelasyon. The nerve!
Dumating nga ang loko after an hour at nandito na kami sa mall . Love na love ko ang mall second to my bestest friend Joyce. I know I’m so sweet. Hahahaha
“So Shay, what do you want to do? Eat? Movie? Window shopping? Name it.”
“Walang hiya ka pala eh ikaw itong nagyaya di mo pala alam kung ano gusto mong gawin. Kahit ano okay lang sakin.”
“Eh sa hindi ko alam kung ano gusto kong gawin eh.” Hayyyy.
“Well David dear, decide now or else I’ll go home nalang. Mas mabuti pang matulog ako kesa naman mag waste ng time with you!”
“Sige let’s eat nalang and chat. Pwede na ba yon master?”
“Yeah whatever. Basta ba ikaw magbabayad eh.” Yes pagkain here I come
David’s POV
“Hoy David akala ko naman sa restaurant tayo kakain! Jollibee lang pala. Walang kang kwenta ang cheap mo naman.” May sinabi ba ako na sa restaurant kami kakain? Pagkakaalam ko kasi sabi ko lang na we’re gonna eat. I didn’t say any particular place.
“Eh gusto ko kumain ng Yumburger na may cheese at spaghetti eh. Kung gusto mo umalis ka dito at lumipat ka sa restaurant.”
“Hindi na sayang naman tong pagkain ” Kunwari pa toh gusto din naman niya.
Hay…Hindi ako makakain kasi I realized that I’m torn between…
Yumburger and spaghetti.. Which one should I eat first? :D Kala niyo ha.
“David matanong ko lang, do you like anyone?” How random.
“When you say like, you mean who do I find pretty?” “Yeah parang ganun na nga. So may I know who?” Yun lang pala eh.
“Sige.. Well nandiyan si Anne Curtis, Iya Villania, Jessica Alba, Eva Long—“ Bastos tong batang toh di man lang ako pinatapos.
“David, what I meant was do you like anyone in school? God you are so slow.” Di kasi nililinaw eh. Malay ko ba.
“Yeah a lot actually.”
“Ganun? Sige game na. Name them.” Ayaw ako tantanan ah.
“Okay, I find Bea, Jessica, Maan—“ Ayoko na she keeps interrupting.
“Wala ba yung kilala ko man lang? As in close?” Ah yun pala gusto niya. Okay.
“I find YOU pretty and—“
“Hay David buti naman at napansin mo ang face value ko. Hahahaha.” Isang interruption nalang di ko na sasabihin. “Oh sino si and mo?”
“and…
Regina.”
“Really? Crush mo pala si Regina? Hindi halata ah! Pero alam ko na talaga na may crush ka sa akin. Hahahaha ang head ko lumalaki nanaman. Biro lang.”
“Yeah, I just find her pretty that’s it.” At doon nagtapos ang usapan naming ni Shay Kala niyo siguro si Joyce noh? Well nagkakamali kayo.. Ganito kasi yan. I’ve been noticing Regina’s presence since the first day of school. I find her really pretty talaga. Any guys would get attracted to her you know? And besides, Shay was asking whom do I find pretty. A simple question.
Sharayah’s POV
“—Regina.”  WHAAAAAAT?!
Akala ko pa naman si Joyce.  But I’m still not convinced sa mga names na sinabi niya. Maybe he’s just making it up. Paano na ang match making ko? Feel ko talaga may gusto si David kay Joyce eh paano ba naman kung makatingin eh talagang may laman sisters!
How can I prove that he likes Joyce? Pero paano kung hindi nga niya gusto? Ano ba toh dapat sarili kong lovelife ang pinakekealaman ko eh. But I really like David for Joyce Well… to find out whether he likes Joyce or not, I figured out that…
that’s what I don’t know YET.
______________________________________________________________________
Malalaman niyo din ang pinapahiwatig ni David sa susunod na mga chapters Thanks for taking time to read it. Super thanks talaga <33333 lab lab
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« Last Edit: July 08, 2008, 07:28:00 am by mica_bee »
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ella_91
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« Reply #54 on: July 07, 2008, 04:59:10 pm » |
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why ohhh my hahah baka hindi pretty beautiful si joyce!! ayeee!!!
hahahahhahaha
i love it!!!!!
nice update !!!
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miEmiKsmiNx_003
cotton candy
Karma: +182/-30
Posts: 2582
being with YOU makes my day perfect... :)
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« Reply #55 on: July 07, 2008, 05:02:52 pm » |
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ganon? hehehe, i'll yay you too later! hindi ko pa nababasa up mo mica, out muna ko, maya ko na read ehe...!
mwa mwa!
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istarrific
cotton candy
Karma: +79/-64
Posts: 1648
Babyy, you make me go KUH-REYZZIE.
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« Reply #56 on: July 07, 2008, 05:34:45 pm » |
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Lablab ko ren kayong dalawa. Pwede na tayo magform ng groupies. The TREE STORY-TELLERS. Yay for you mica babes. |
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We gain one, from Youth Love.
I`ve got a saviour and he`s living in me.
Whoa, I wanna know you TODAY. |
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miEmiKsmiNx_003
cotton candy
Karma: +182/-30
Posts: 2582
being with YOU makes my day perfect... :)
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« Reply #57 on: July 07, 2008, 06:11:17 pm » |
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am here!!!!  akala ko pa naman si Shay eh type na din si David.. mabuting best friend sia huh, ehe. bakit nga ba hindi si Joyce ang type nia?? All this time akala ko si Joyce ung isang secret, hehehe... nice up sis, next next.. |
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luo_qiao_si
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« Reply #58 on: July 07, 2008, 11:39:49 pm » |
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mica_bee
jellybean
Karma: +20/-3
Posts: 276
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« Reply #59 on: July 08, 2008, 07:52:00 am » |
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why ohhh my hahah baka hindi pretty beautiful si joyce!! ayeee!!!
hahahahhahaha
i love it!!!!!
nice update !!!
Hmm.. Beautiful? Baka nga Hahaha! Thanks Ella! <33 ganon? hehehe, i'll yay you too later! hindi ko pa nababasa up mo mica, out muna ko, maya ko na read ehe...!
mwa mwa!
am here!!!!
akala ko pa naman si Shay eh type na din si David.. mabuting best friend sia huh, ehe. bakit nga ba hindi si Joyce ang type nia?? All this time akala ko si Joyce ung isang secret, hehehe...
nice up sis, next next..
Thanks Mikx Hindi niya type si Joyce dahil AKO ang type niya. Pati si Matt iiwan na din niya c Aishen girl para sa akin. Hahahaha joke lang. Nababaliw nanaman ako Thanks sa pagbabasa sis! <33 lab lab Lablab ko ren kayong dalawa. Pwede na tayo magform ng groupies. The TREE STORY-TELLERS. Yay for you mica babes.
Ahahaha pwede pwede! Aabangan ko na si Paint My Love. Baka next year pa yun ah? Wag naman! Hahaha. Thanksss Yang! <33 lab lab mica...love your update,sobra.pero sad din. 
naku joyce,kung hindi ka nagseselos,pwes ako selos na selos na.love ko na si david.pero mas love ko pa din yung asawa ko...si mike he. 
Thanks Rhen Onga ehh ayaw pa kasi aminin ni Joyce na selos siya Ako ang asawa ni Mike He! Mistress ka! Joke lang sis Gaaaad share tayo? Hahahaha <33 _____________________________________________________________________________ WAHH PATURO NAMAN. PANO YUNG SMUG NA SMILEY? PATI YUNG DEVIL? Thanks talaga sa mga nagbasa! I really appreciate it (: |
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