so how do i start? that I hate my life right now? NAH, God will be sad. Okay, rephrase: I'm trying to love my life right now even if it hurts bigtime.
i'm 17 years old and I graduated from a prestigious HS (and ranked 7), won in many national-level contests and dreams of becoming a pediatrician someday. I was like one of the happiest, most cheerful person in the batch and all of them are my friends. so yeah, you get the picture? I'm a leader and have other talents as well. we were like 41 in the batch; 39 took the UPCAT and I was one of the 34 who made it through. Never in my whole life did I ever imagined that just shortly before graduation, my perfect scene's turned hugely opposite.
It happened that I also passed a scholarship grant here in our province and the government will pay all my fees provided that I'll take up Nursing. So yeah, I really don't like the course because I really can't imagine myself being a nurse. I just fancy Science, that's it. What's really frustrating is that my mother didn't permit me to enroll in UP and my father "forced" me to accept the grant. The school's not that famous, though it's good. It's far from our house so I have to stay in the dorm (it's freaking the hell out of me!)
Last week of May, I didn't bother to enroll and my father did all the processing. It's like I don't have a life. I ran out of time to decide for myself and what I detest the most is, AYOKO NG MGA TAO DUN SA SCHOOL. my classmates are way too boring and I don't understand them, I'm not used to average people since nasanay na 'ko nung HS na matatalino 'yong nasa paligid ko, even my Chem. teacher is baaaaad. I haven't learned anything new from her and she's like a know-it-all, eh mali mali naman 'yong lectures niya. That's it, there's no challenge. But somehow, I'm lucky that my co-scholars are just like me but it's not enough. What I'm doing right now is I'm exerting effort to read books. I'm not listening to my teachers.
I still managed to be on the top.
It's been almost a year and I still keep on crying. Whenever I'm with my HS classmates, I feel so small and when they are talking, they sound really HAPPY. I am no longer their active classmate though I keep on joking them. I envy their college life right now. I talked it with my parents and they told me that, "just love the course." No, I can't.
I know, you can't exactly relate to this but try to imagine yourself studying a specific subject you REALLY don't like. Whenever I'm on my way back to the dormitory, I just stare at the sky with blank thoughts, then I'm crying. Why me? Though I have my monthly allowance and buy all the things that I like, I'm not happy. I don't want to waste time so I'm pursuing this profession. It may be damn painful along the way, I just have to be ignorant. Everything's negative for me, up to now.
Now, I'm one of the candidates that the school will send as an exchange student in Netherlands and I'm working on it. I just realized that no matter how circumstances put you down, there's always opportunities that will lift you up higher than ever.
I'm just praying for a little happiness here in my heart and satisfaction. I've been so depressed all this time, I don't know what to do.
P.S. - I'm really sorry for this long post.
