Chapter 7
Will I Sing or I Will Sing?
I went home with this vexed feeling which kept on upsetting me. Me? As in only me? will sing in front of the class? By next week? Why me? What have I done wrong to accept such a punishment? For me performing in front of people is a chastisement! I don't have the gutts! It's like I'm just humiliating myself in front of people. I have the feeling it wont turn out as something which is definitely, absolutely, purely, utterly, totally, and surely fine! Naman eh!
After dinner and doing homeworks, I plunged into my room. I think I made a mistake. Why did I gave up arguing with them? I should have demanded my justice! It's my human right to choose what I want and don't want to do. Hey, oo nga. Ba't hindi ko yun na-i-banat sa kanila kanina?!
"eh ano naman kung sinabi mo yun? hindi ka ba makokonsensiya kung pati grade nila madamay? group work yun, remember? Kailangan niyo magtulungan kaya wag ka nang umangal noh!" I pontificated to myself. I looked like some kind of a certified person talking to no one in particular. Er..maybe I'm talking to someone..myself?
"hoy! para kang sira dyan! sino kausap mo? hangin?" Jelaine broke in laughing not even knocking at my door. Maybe she did, I just didn't hear.
"yup, kausap ko si mr. and mrs. air pati yung anak nila na si wind. Enjoy nga sila kausap eh. Try mo minsan." I immediately thought as a comeback. She raised her eyebrow and threw a you-already-caught-a-malignant-foolishness-syndrome gawp at me. What should I suppose?
"no need, matino pa naman ako eh" she responded.
"may phone call ka""sino?" I asked but she just turned her back and shrugged.
I stood up to go to our living room and reached for the phone.
"hello? sino 'toh?""hello..it's Mike.." he answered back.
"oh..baket? pa'no mo nalaman landline namin?" I asked in a puzzled tone.
"nahanap ko sa internet..akalain mo yun? nandun kayo..sikat pala family mo eh." he joked.
"nye..ang corny" I deridingly commented.
"joke lang..nakuha ko kay Erlyn, tinext ko kanina" he went back to his normal tone.
"ba't ka napatawag?""mangangamusta lang..bakit? masama?""oo masama!""bakit naman? anong ginawa ko sa'yo?"
"basta! ano nga? seryoso na..ano sasabihin mo?""sasabihin ko lang sana na.." he paused.
"na? ano??". I demanded.
“my gusto sana akong sabihin sa’yo..” he started once more.
“importante ‘toh para sa’kin, lalo na sa nararamdaman ko..kasi ano..” his voice toned down.
Ang tagal naman ng sasabihin nito!
"ano na?!""gusto na kita....bigyan ng binggo!" he laughed on the other line.
"ang corny mo talaga!""haay, hindi kita nahuli dun ah! Akala ko magugulat ka sa sinabi ko eh.""whatever! Ano na nga?!" I'm getting furious this time.
"ita-tanong ko lang kung anong song yung gusto mo para mahanap ko yung tabs..""ikaw na bahala. Sige, bye" I ended our conversation without even letting him reply.
Nasabi ko ba noon na isa siyang blessing? Binabawi ko na! He’s a nuisance! A menace! I can't stand talking to him with my mood right now. Nakakaasar eh! Matapos akong pilitin sa ayaw kong gawin mang-aasar pa sa phone!
Nagpaalam ako sa parents ko na magkakaro'n kami ng practice bukas tapos bumalik ulit ako sa kwarto nang napansin kong may natanggap pala akong message sa cellphone. Sino pa nga ba? It's my so-called angel.
<angel q>: kamusta?<ako>: badtrip ako eh!<angel q>: bat naman? any prob?<ako>: meron talaga! Pinipilit ba naman kasi ako ni Mike, classmate and class pres namin na gawin ko yung ayoko!<angel q>: bat anong gusto niyang ipagawa sayo?ü<ako>: pinapakanta n'ya ko for our group activity sa english. in front of the class! eh ayoko, nahihiya ako eh.<angel q>: ahh.. y naman? I'm sure magaling ka naman kumanta..üHe's sure?

Err.. Pa'no mo nasabi yan eh hindi mo pa naman siguro ako naririnig noh!
<ako>: no! ur wrong! I'm not confident enough..<angel q>: kailangan mo lang bumilib sa sarili mo. i know u can do it if u would just try. trust me, alam kong kaya mo yun..üAlam mong kaya ko? Eh ako nga hindi ko alam na kaya ko eh..ba't ikaw alam mo?? Ikaw nalang kaya kumanta kapalit ko..angel naman kita diba? iligtas mo ko!!
<ako>: so u mean, i really should sing??<angel q>: yup!üWaah.. pati siya hindi kumakampi sa'kin! angel ba talaga kita o ikaw yung demonyong kakampi ni Mike?! grr..
<ako>: ano ba! pati ba naman ikaw! is that really d right thing to do, huh?<angel q>: i think it's not d right thing nor the wrong thing to do..u just have to try..ü think about this: if God gives u something u can do, why in God's name wouldn't u do it?ü Basta, believe in urself lang..I would make that as a part of my Life Guide.
Philosophy #8 , that is.
<ako>: tnx..üWhat a pep talk! I must admit, it's rather effective. His encouragements worked, kung sino man siya.
okay, I made up my mind, wala na 'tong atrasan, kahit naman umatras pa 'ko sigurado namang itutulak pa rin ako ni Mike eh!
Not too later, doubt crossed my mind once again.
magagawa ko nga ba yun ng maayos? ay! oo nga naman pala.. Naimbento pala yung word na "practice" noh? Tama, magpapraktis kami..I will do my part kahit na napipilitan lang ako. Sino nga naman ako para magreklamo..eh siya yung leader ng group!
Game na talaga.
"i will sing..may choice pa ba?!"***
The next day, Mike kept on looking at me in a silly way especially when there’s free time and no teacher is around. I don’t want the attention he’s giving me, it’s not normal anymore.
“problema mo ba?” I started.
“wala..” he answered with a smile.
Pa-ngiti ngiti pa!
“wala? bat kanina ka pa tingin ng tingin, huh?”
“pinagbabawal na ba ng batas na tumingin sa isang tao?” he crossed his arms and gazed at me more fixedly, still with his smile.
I made an are-you trying-me glare at him. Lucky for me, his staring concentration didn’t wrecked at all.
“eh bat nakatitig ka na din sa’kin? naga-gwapuhan ka sa’kin noh?” he said grandly.
I just maintained glaring at him for almost three minutes. He was still gazing, why won’t he give up? After a while, I felt awkward and stopped glaring.
“talo ka pala eh!” he said confidently with a smirk.
Inirapan ko siya. Naiinis na ‘ko. Mahilig ba talaga ‘tong mambwisit?! Ang feeling masyado!
“ang hangin naman dito!” I answered back as I stood.
“uy!” he held my hand.
“kaya ako tumitingin sa’yo kasi tyumityempo lang ako kung yayayain na ba kitang magpraktis..wala namang teacher eh..” he explained.
“mamayang dismissal nalang..’pag wala ng tao!” I furiously said. I pulled my hand from his to loosen from his grip and sat at a bookshelf by the window.
At dismissal time, we waited until Mike, me, and Erlyn were the only people in the room. I asked Erlyn to stay with us. I don’t want to be alone with Mike! He’s pissing me off!
“ano ba song piece niyo?” Erlyn asked Mike.
I looked at Mike as he showed a paper.
“eto, saving grace..maganda yung tono ni--”“bakit yan?!
ang taas kaya niyan!” I interrupted him
“kaya mo ‘toh noh!” he claimed.
“hindi kaya!” I disagreed. Mahihirapan ako sa pagkanta nun.
“oo kaya!” he opposed. Before I could speak, he started playing the keyboard. His fingers were smoothly moving on top of the tabs creating a pleasing music. Ang galing niya.
“oh, kumanta ka na” Erlyn pushed me closer to Mike while he was keyboarding. Mike looked at me which was a hint. It’s a signal for me to enter after the interlude. I looked at the lyrics then at him. I have this doubtful expression on my face but he nodded his head and beamed at me.
“night and day..i seek your face..” I started singing. I can hear my voice trembling which was probably the reason why he stopped.
“hey guys, kailangan ko nang umuwi..mauna na ko Hilary ah? Kakatext lang ng mom ko eh..” Erlyn abruptly said.
Ano?

Maiiwan kaming dalawa ni Mike? Asar naman eh!
“ganon ba? oh sige..ingat ka ah?” I responded.
“bye, ingat!” said Mike.
“ingat din kayo. Mike, matatagalan pa ba kayo? Ingatan mo yan ah!” she smiled back as she waved goodbye.
“akong bahala” he winked at her. Ikaw nga bahala, ako naman kawawa!
“start ulit tayo..umayos ka ah?!” he demanded. Yeah, fine. Para naman kasing napakadali nung pinapakanta mo. Eh ikaw nalang kaya?!

I answered him with silence. He started playing the instrument again. I progressed until the third line but my voice was still no good and for the second time, he stopped. I repeated it over and over again and he stopped over and over again too. We didn’t even finish the first stanza.
“umayos ka naman..” he requested. I was utterly quiet.
“aba..hindi ka bumanat ah..natahimik ka yata?” he chuckled. Still, I remained hushed.
“oy, galit ka ba sa’kin?”Wow naman. Ngayon mo lang nahalata?!
“alis na ‘ko. bukas nalang ulit. pahiram muna nitong lyrics, pag-aaralan ko sa bahay.” I impassively answered as I turned my back to him.
“wait lang! malapit na gumabi, ihahatid na kita.” he offered. Aalis na nga ako kasi ayaw kitang makasama, pati ba naman sa pag-uwi ko gusto mo pang sumunod?!
“wag na! kaya ko’ng sarili ko!” I responded in a hostile behavior.
I went to where my bag was placed. As I was fixing some of my things, he kept the keyboard somewhere in the classroom but I didn’t wait for him. Instead, I quickly made my way down through the stairs. Outside the school, there was already a jeep. I began walking towards it when Mike called me from behind. I made a halt, but didn’t look.
“ingat ka ah?”