Chapter 1
Transition
I'm standing in front of the mirror, surveying my reflection. It seems like days are moving in a faster phase. I'm now in my last highschool year, a senior student.
“how will things work? Will it be great? How about.. him..? 
..Anyway, past is past! Hindi na pwedeng balikan, hindi na pwede ang take two, hindi din pwede ang rewind! I might as well make one step forward to moving on. Wala naman na 'kong magagawa kung gano'n talaga. There's a greater life ahead of me naman eh. Enjoy lang. Yeah!” I lectured myself in the back of my mind.
"bilisan mo na dyan..buti pa si jelaine kumakain na..""sandali nalang..matatapos na po ko.". I muttered back while combing my hair.
That's my mama. She always complains about my sluggishness every morning. Eh pano ba naman? inaantok pa ko..syempre kukupad talaga ko.
By the way, I'm Hilary Anne Gale Delarante. I study at the School of Saint Thomas. I studied there since highschool and for the past two years, nothing special happened in my life, just typical. Last year naman medyo nag-evolve..marami akong nakilalang friends sa batch ko pati na rin sa ibang batch. At ngayon last year ko na 'toh! Ayoko pa nga maging senior eh kasi pagkatapos nito, gagrad na 'ko then iiwan ko na yung school at magkakahiwa-hiwalay na kami..
Oh well, that's life.
Philosophy #1: You have to learn how to move forward like everybody does. You can't stay stranded in the past forever.That's part of my
“Life Guide” na napag-isipan kong gawin ngayong senior na ko, mga rules to live by, my point of views, perhaps my outlook in life which I write in a notebook. Wala lang, trip trip lang naman. Kaya ayun, I really need to move on from the pain that I felt before and accept the reality that I can't stay as a highschool student forever. I should condition myself that soon, I will be progressing to college.
Lumabas na ako ng kwarto para kumain na din. Si Jelaine naman, tapos nang kumain ng breakfast na niluto ng papa namin. My sister is one year younger than me.
When we arrived at our school, there were already umpteen students. Hindi muna ko umakyat sa room..naghintay muna 'ko ng mga friends na magiging classmates ko. Mag-se-7:30 am na nung umakyat ako kaso wala 'kong nakitang ka-close ko na ka-section ko. Sa ibang section sila na-designate. May nakita akong friend sa room..hindi ko nga lang ganun ka-close pero ayos lang. Sa kanya nalang ako tumabi tapos nakipagkwentuhan.
Later on, dumating ang adviser namin, si teacher Lex, a new teacher. As usual, magpapakilala ka sa harapan, dedescribe mo sarili mo, mag-iisip ka ng kung anong pwedeng mag-symbolize sayo..basta mga ka-ek-ekan then i-nayos niya yung seating arrangement.
"hi, name mo?"I turned my head to the right side to see who's asking.
"mine's hilary..yours?""ahh..just call me Mike. Nice to meet you seatmate." he said with a smile.
So siya pala ang naging seatmate ko sa right side, may pagitan nga lang na space kasi may aisle pa eh. Michael Cedric Guerrera..I heard about him when we were in third year highschool, he's shrewd and talented according to the other students. Sa botohan ng class officers, he won as our class president.
I met new friends, new teachers, new subjects, new classroom, new environment! After 1 month..naka-adjust na din ako sa pagiging senior girl..kahit pano?
One day..
"ssh..there's an announcement.." teacher Lex said in front of the class.
pero di muna siya nagstart kasi maingay kami.
"oisSst! quiet muna..may i-aannounce daw" Mike instructed.
"have you heard when will you be going to have your retreat?""hindi pa po.." the whole class answered.
"it will be on friday next week. Anyway, there'll be a letter that will be given to you about the details naman. Okay, moving along, let's start our lesson.."on the circular given:
"Retreat is an activity, which facilitates the spiritual development of the students. It is a means for the students to develop their relationship with the Almighty God and foster relationships with their classmates and teachers. This is also a way for the students to realize their purpose in life and find ways for them to be worthwhile, critical and active members of the community.”According also sa circular, mag-oovernight stay kami in a retreat house somewhere in Antipolo.
***
After one week, the day has come. I woke up early to fix myself. Pagdating ko sa school, pumunta na 'ko sa covered court at hinanap ang line formation ng section ko. nYe? Ang konti palang namin? Eh actually medyo nalate ako kasi ang bagal ng nasakyan kong jeep tapos ganun lang yung population? Sa ibang sections konti rin mga tao. Pasaway batchmates ko?? Daming late eh!! (parang ako..! 5 min. late lang naman ako eh..eh cla?!) Sabi sa orientation, 6:30 kami aalis subalit dahil sa mga napaka-obedient kong mga ka-batch, 7:00 na kami nakalayas!
Pagkatapos ng biyahe, mga 9 kami nakarating. Pagdating dun hiniwalay ang boys sa girls. Hiwalay ang dorm pati na ang session hall namin. Ki-nonfiscate naman ng mga teachers yung dala naming cellphones para nakafocus lang daw kami sa session.
t. Nikki: girls..listen! we will distribute you to your rooms..ok? the names that i will call, kayo-kayo yung magiging mag-roommates..Pinapunta muna kami sa kanya-kanya naming rooms para ilagay ang mga gamit namin don. Pagbalik namin, dumating si Brother Brian. Siya ang mag-hahandle samin. The session was about worshiping God, family, love, friendship, trust and so on.
brother: oh, break muna..punta lang kayo dyan sa kabilang room, andyan pagkain niyo tapos balik ulit kayo dito after.girls: opo brotherSa kabilang dako? Di ko alam mga kaganapan sa mga boys..basta nagse-session din sila dun..pareho lang naman siguro nung sa'min.
After a few minutes, we went back to the session hall at nagtuloy lang yung mga activities. Puro activities katulad ng pagsayaw, pagkanta, meron ding discussions about sa mga bagay-bagay wherein may matututunan kami about our lives. Not too long gabi na din. There a came a point na nag-lights off kami pagkatapos eh nagpatugtog sila ng sad music. Habang tumutugtog yun, nagsalita si brother tungkol sa parents. Pano daw kung namatay na sila? Nakapag-thank you na daw ba kami? If ever we neglected them, will be ever a chance for us to regret and say sorry? That was made for us to realize crucial things. Siyempre drama galore and yeah, I cried.
Philosophy #2: Always acknowledge your emotions! They serve a purpose and should never be ignored.Because of the talk that the brother gave us, marami akong natutunan.
After that, it's already time for us to have some sleep. My roommates were Joy, Kryzl, and Erlyn so we all lay down on our beds.
"hindi ako makatulog!" I complained after some time.
"ikaw din?" Erlyn spoke.
"pareho lang tayo.." Kryzl concurred to the both of us.
"hindi din ako makatulog. magkwentuhan nalang muna tayo.." Joy suggested.
"oo nga naman! so.. how is everybody's lovelife? ako kasi, I once had a boyfriend but we didn't take each other seriously so we just broke-up eventually.. Erlyn said.
"ganun ba? hindi ka ba nahirapang mag-adjust after your break-up?" Joy asked.
"I guess not. first year palang naman kasi ako nun. hindi pa ganun kaseryoso so nakarecover naman ako kaagad.." Erlyn explained.
"actually, i don't have time for relationships yet. Saka na yun! hanggang crush lang muna ako pero hindi ko na sila maiisa-isa ah, madami akong crush eh!" Kryzl chuckled.
"pareho tayo! puro crush lang din ako eh. anyway, i have a crush on a guy in the other section kaso i don't know him eh but he's cute.." 
Joy shared.
"hey Hilary, how about you?""ako? i haven't undergone any relationship yet.. i'm still single." I paused for a while.
"but I already fell in love before.." I murmured.
"then what happened?" Kryzl inquired.
"uhmm.. by the way, i enjoy being single naman eh!" I tried to say anything just not to answer the question further. I don't want to talk about that.
They just continued chatting about crushes, relationships, and stuffs. I listened to them but I didn't talk too much. I just.. I just don't want to share what happened last year.
After a while, I just decided..
..to fall asleep.
