CandyMag.Com

“I hope you’re not freaked out that I’m talking to you about this. I just…” AJ sighed, “am so lost, I guess. I don’t understand any of it,” he finished, his face somber.

“But I don’t know anything, AJ.” I said, a hint of exasperation in my voice. “Nicole hasn’t spoken to us about any of it.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you about how she’s feeling right now.” He took a deep breath, “I just wanted to make sense of it for myself.” He looked away from me, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t have anyone to talk to, Katie.”

My heart went out to him and I felt like the biggest jerk for trying to blow him off. Of course I was still reeling over the fact that Carlo had once again left in a huff, probably entertaining who-knows-what thoughts about AJ and me. But then here was AJ, looking like a little lost boy, just about ready to explode from keeping everything inside. I knew I had to be there for him. While Carlo couldn’t get away from me fast enough, AJ needed me now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, restating the obvious, plopping down on one of the bleachers in the gym.

He nodded slowly and sat close. “It was going great, you know. She was such a great person and we got along extremely well. She wasn’t one for labels but she knew that I really liked her and i had an idea how she felt,” he said, modestly. “I was secure and I thought that she was too,” his face clouded over, “until she started making these ridiculous demands. She wanted to know where I was, when I was there, who I was with, who I was texting. She was constantly second-guessing me and was in my face at every turn. I felt so stifled. She didn’t trust me at all and accused me of horrible things and I hadn’t done anything. That’s what’s really bothering me about how she ended it,” he said, sadly.

I felt sick  to my stomach, thinking if it was possible that I had planted a seed of doubt in Nicole’s head after she found out I liked AJ. “I don’t really know what to tell you, AJ.” I said, absolutely meaning it. “But for what it’s worth, I’ve never seen her happier tahn when she was with you.” I said, softly. “Just make her feel that she can trust you. You never know, she might come around.” I said, wishing desperately that I could help.

AJ sighed deeply, as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. “I think I really do love her, you know,” he said. And I thought I saw his eyes mist over.

I looked away, sitting stonily beside him the two of us a picture of despair.

So there I was, with a knot in my throat, furiously trying to blink my own tears away, but not for the reason that I thought I would be crying right now. One year ago, when I was positive I was in love with AJ, the pessimist in me knew that I’d just about be bawling my eyes out if I found out AJ was in live with somebody else. Now, he’s finally said it, and I’d finally heard it, and the only thing I could think of was that I knew exactly how he was feeling.

And it’s funny how you can realize the most important things at the times you least expect to realize them. Because as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, I knew that I like AJ (but not because of him), I too, was finally in love.