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I spent the better part of my ride home from school with AJ’s letter in my hand, trying to make the little heart sticker that I had ripped in my haste whole again. I couldn’t help but think that, just moments ago, AJ had ripped to shreds my own.

The letter wasn’t for me, it was for Nicole. And while I had opened it believing differently, explaining myself to my good friend was the least of my worries. For now, all I could think of was how stupid I was.

I was stupid for believing in that brief moment that I ever stood a chance with AJ. I was crazy for thinking that a plain Jane like me might stick out from the crowd and catch his eye. I was delusional for thinking that all his little gestures might have meant something. I was blind to the possibility that he could have very well been friendly with me if only to get close to Nicole. I felt like the biggest loser on earth for pining for him.

After dinner, I spent the night out in the garden while the enormity of what had just happened still stung. AJ’s gifts for Nicole were spread out on the seat beside me. I sat on one of the seat beside me. I sat on one of the benches, completely in the dark, but not for melodramatic reasons. The patio light had to be replaced. It now blinked once in 30 counts. And I wasn’t just guessing about knowing precisely when it lit up.

I heard the gate squeak open and found Carlo walking towards me with his hands behind him. When he was four meters away, the light went on. He saw me, and he stopped.
He squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and said, “I need to talk to you,” with his hands behind him, still.

In the darkness, I said, “Now?” in a tone that implied I had neither the time nor the energy to go into something that didn’t concern this afternoon’s events. He didn’t pick up on the tone.

Instead, he walked four paces towards me and took his hands out from behind him; he helf a bouquet of red roses in one and a heart-shaped box of chocolates in the other. I thought it was a joke.

“I don’t have time for this, Carlo,” I said in my most exasperated tone. “It’d be funny ha-ha if I wasn’t going through some stuff right now, but I am. So thanks for the effort. I’ll return the favor, don’t worry.”

He cleared his throat. “I didn’t get you these to play with you, Katie. I’ve been thinking about doing this for quite some time now. I guess I just wanted to wait for Valentine’s to do this so I can also hide behind the occasion,” he let out a nervous laugh.

For the life of me, I did not know what he was talking about so I shut up. He put the flowers and the treat on the table in front of me before he stepped back again.

“I guess what I came here to say…” he started, uncertain, “is that ever since we’ve become friends again, I’ve grown more fond of you every day. I’ve started liking everything about you: the way you laugh, that hair you always complain about, how you dip your fries in ice cream, your ridiculous theories. I can’t let a day pass without seeing you, even on off days when you treat me horribly,” he forced a smile. “I guess what I’m saying is that I really like you, Katie,” he finished slowly.

The light that blinked back on found me shaken to the core. I sat there dumbfounded. It was then that Carlo saw AJ’s gifts for Nicole right beside me. He looked at me, questioning, brows furrowed. Just then, Marsha came in and squealed, “So! Did AJ give you anything?!?” I gave her a look that spoke volumes, and she retreated into the house.

Carlo took a step back, put his hands in his pockets, and said, “I think I’ll go,” and he turned around and left.

How hard was it to say that one syllable? Wait. Stay.

But I let him walk away.