Guys

The Art Of Letting Go

You decide what holds you back and what doesn't. Choose to let go what does and embrace what doesn't.
by Julianne Suazo, Candymag.com Correspondent
PHOTO Fox Searchlight

February 4, 2014 10:00 am

  1. Social Media Numbness
    Never ever confuse numbness with a blackout. A social media blackout is when you decide to unfriend, unfollow, or block the person you're trying to escape. Believe me, doing those things get you nowhere. It just goes to show that they still hold a form of power over you; that seeing them happy and better off triggers a form of misery in you and that's what we're trying to avoid. Social Media Numbness is the practice of being indifferent and getting used to it. Looking at their tweets, Facebook statuses and Instagram picture, and looking at them as if it were anyone else's. Let's face the reality that you might run into this person again and you can't look at this person with all the angst and pain you had before. It’ll surely take time but you'll get there. You should never allow your emotions to be dependent on someone else's.
     
  2. Keep Yourself Occupied
    This will be very helpful in achieving step number 1. Give yourself time and don't force yourself. No one is expected to fall out of love overnight. Do what you could've never seen yourself doing. Whatever it is, as long as it's healthy for the mind, soul and body, do it. Get a new hobby. It could be yoga, pilates or even physical combat. Channel all that energy into something else. Don't let a moment pass by with you being idle. Remember what your teachers say, "An idle mind is a devil's workshop." Once you have too much time on your hands, you'll fall into this dark spiral of "I want him back"s, "I made a mistake"s, and "maybe I can still fix it"s. You don't, you didn't, and you no longer can. The sooner you realize that, the faster you can open yourself up to amazing things.
  3. Treat Yourself
    I was originally going to name this step "Eat Your Heart Out," but eventually I was reminded of how we all cope in different ways, ways that might not include cheese dipped-anything and salted caramel everything. Back to my point, do what you normally do when you're feeling down or stressed. Go shopping for yourself and buy that sweater you've been eyeing for the past weeks. Spend your afternoon at the nearest bookstore and read what catches your eye. Excuse yourself for your laziness and spend the whole day in bed with popcorn and TV shows. Whatever it is that’ll make you feel better, do it.
  4. Write About It
    Caution: This step allows you to revisit memories with he who must not be named and may lead you into a very, very dark place (but only if you let it)
    Write, write and write. Make a private Tumblr and type all the feelings out or go old school and write in a diary or journal. Write what you wish you could've said and what you wish you didn't. Write how he made you feel and how you wish he didn’t. Write about all the things you wanted for the both of you and what you could've changed. Write everything. Get it out of your system. Once you’re done, lock it up. You may choose to throw it away or you can opt to keep it as a reminder that you’re meant for someone far greater.

The important thing to remember when doing all of these is know in your heart that you’re doing this for yourself and not for anyone else. Never be afraid of starting again and never let anyone hold any form of power over you. Greg Behrendt once said, "...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person."

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