When you catch the person you love with someone else, it's the kind of hurt that you just can't quite put into words. It just hits you, I mean really hits you. You start to feel the blood rushing in your body, your heart suddenly drops and everything just seems like one big blur.
I know that in a one-dimensional world, I'm supposed to resent you for the rest of my life because you ruined what I thought was love. And I guess in some ways, you did hurt me, even if it wasn't your intention. I became the collateral damage when you chose to ignore him when he said, "I have a girlfriend." Even though you did what you did, I don't wish you a life of misery. What I'm trying to say is: I don't blame you and that I wanted to say thank you.
Thank you for reminding me that cheating is a choice and that it never happens "by accident." I'm finally done with all the excuses and came to terms that none of this is my fault. I can't tell you how many times I've sat down in silence and wondered what did I do wrong. I thought about all the things I have done and all the things I wasn't doing enough. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not smart enough? I had always felt like his happiness was my responsibility but that’s not fair because it never should’ve been my burden to carry. When he cheated, it had nothing to do with me and when I finally realized that, I had finally set myself free.
Thank you for teaching me that love should never look like deception, doubts and tears. Love means never having to question whether there's someone else. The thing about love is that when someone loves you enough, they will choose to love all parts of you without you convincing them to. I spent too much time finding ways to make him love me for me when I shouldn't have. Thank you for saving me from a relationship that would sooner or later be filled with lies and dishonesty.
Thank you for teaching me that the right things will find me once I start letting go of the wrong ones. I was too busy worrying about his happiness that I had completely forgotten about mine. I became blinded by how much I loved him that I couldn't see through his lies and his choice to be unfaithful. I must admit that the break up did hit me hard. I think what hit me the hardest was the fact that everything we've built together came undone by his decision to live in a moment where I didn't exist. The love we had nurtured for the longest time suddenly looked so empty. Sometimes, all it takes is a second to tear down what you’ve spent years building together.
You see, when you feel broken, you tend to focus on all the negativity that comes with it. You start to question things, "Where do I go from here? How do I move on?" What they don't tell you about scars is that they eventually heal and that you become better because of it. It's true what people say: "Pain is just weakness leaving your body."
Thank you for teaching me that sometimes, it's just best to forgive and forget and to leave it at that.
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