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From Our Readers: Why I Got Into a Relationship at a Young Age
And why it's a bad idea.
ART Trixie Ison

Girl laughing

You've probably heard all these things before. You've probably listened to your mom's embarrassing stories, or your aunt's constant reminder, or some person on the Internet's "open" letter—like the one I'm writing now.

The thing is: no one will tell you how good it feels. You feel above others. You feel that exhilirating pull of excitement. Because you're young, you feel more, doubt less, and it comes smoothly. Or so you think.

The butterflies are more intense now. You can't shake the feeling that this is the best relationship ever, or the feeling that this is going to last. You're about thirteen, or fourteen, or even sixteen, eighteen, and you fall in love. He does, too. Suddenly, you're kissing, going on dates, craving each other's touch, talking about the future. Your focus is diverted to the person you'll become and the relationship you'll have.

But the thing is, that's what we're deprived of. The certainty of the future is never there. What you're hoping for is the future of you two together, but what if it doesn't happen? What if you're forever stuck in the ideology of your future, that you don't think of the now? There's nothing wrong about loving, but there is a fine line with sharing yourself and giving too much.

READI Will Not Settle

Surely, you're afraid. It may be months into your relationship, or maybe years, or maybe just even days, but here's the thing: as a young person, your mind filled with ideas, heart filled with hope, eyes filled with the fire of passion, you invest. You invest so much in a span of a small time, and when there's a loss, you also feel so much. There's so much pain, so much disappointment, so much despair, and you just feel lost. What are you going to do? What's after him? Is there even a love like this without him?

You're young. You're capable. There are a lot more years to go, and this is just a taste test of what's going to become. Yes, there's a lot more pain. Yes, there's a lot more uncertainty. Yes, you'll also become a mess, an emotional wreck, but that's part of the process.

You're the star of your own show. Life with him shines just as bright as life without him.

I'm not saying you cut off your relationship. I'm not saying you break up with him so soon. I know the hurt will be too much to bear, the loss too much to intake. All I'm saying is you take care. You invest little. You take your time.

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Contrary to what you probably think, I'm not someone who just broke up with my boyfeiend. I'm young. (I'll let you imagine on what age I am.) I'm in a long term relationship. I'm not planning on breaking up with him any time soon.

I'm just giving a constant reminder to anyone out there. Hopeless romantic at heart, I constantly lost myself in my relationship, drifting in and out my own body. I never planned for it to become this way, but it did. I never asked for this to happen, but it did.

READWait, He's On His Way

I guess I'm happy. I mean, he loves me, and I him, what more is there to ask for?

I should be grateful. I am. But given the chance? I would 've wanted him to meet the older me. The probably-much-better-and-much-more-mature me. This way, I wouldn't have lost myself so many times, cried so many nights, gone through so much trouble for him and our relationship. I wouldn't have lost sight of what's important. I wouldn't have lost some of my bestest friends. I wouldn't have given too much.

So don't invest too much, or expect too much, or overthink every single detail of your supposedly insignificant relationship. All will happen as it should. Fate and destiny will dictate your future.

You will get better, with him or without him. Your life doesn't rotate around him, so stop making it seem like it should. Or that it does. (A constant mistake every girl does when loving someone a bit more than they opted to.)

READWhy Do People Leave?

Your life revolves around you. You're the star of your own show. Life with him shines just as bright as life without him. Don't be afraid to let go when there's no more spark, or there's no more security, or when there's no more time for him in your very busy life. But don't be afraid to hold on. Don't be afraid to take that leap of faith. Don't overthink every little detail and just go with it.

You dictate your life. There's nothing wrong with keeping a relationship you enjoy and think to last, and also there's nothing wrong with terminating a relationship you think to be toxic.

Young as we are, there's no room for regrets. Just go wherever life takes you, cause there are so many more years to come. Don't be afraid to live the uncertain future.

Sent in anonymously. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous.

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