"And I'd choose you, in a hundred life times, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and choose you." For three years, that's what I would always say to myself. I swam in the thought of us that I started to drown myself and I've forgotten how to swim back to shore. Even though people tried to save me, I waited for the lifeguard but he never came because he was too busy saving another one. I am madly, deeply in love with the idea of love. Too cliche? I bet you are, too.
There were times when I tried to forget about you but you are a magnet and my heart is made up of nickel and I'll always be attracted to you. I never thought I'd be head-over-heels for you but I was—I am! Every single part of you makes me fall in love, even your worst imperfections. Funny how we've become so close and comfortable with each other but still, you chose the girl you're not yourself with. You cannot even laugh so much or even talk so much. You can't even joke around her. Is it even love? But you know, who am I to judge your feelings when I can't even control mine? Last night I confessed, I thought you'd laugh and just brush it off but you didn't. You said you liked me but you realized it would be best if we stayed how we are. So I had to act like my feelings were all in the past and that you might as well, just forget what I said. You broke me in a way I never thought you would. Did you say that because you liked me or because you didn't want to hurt me? If it was the latter, then screw you. You have placed me in a maze where the exit is too hard to see, only you could find it. But I know you did, we were inseparable. We were like Bonnie and Clyde because whatever happens—good or bad—we supported each other. The efforts you did every time we'd fight, that was priceless. I'd trade everything to replay those moments because I know, you haven't done that to anyone else except for me.
What if I confessed sooner? What if you told me what you really felt? And love, what if you were strong enough to risk our friendship? Because I wasn't but I'm willing to be everything you need. You've seen me as the one who'd never chase someone but of course you wouldn't! I was always beside you because everyone who chase and stays behind, hinders the person from reaching what they want. So I supported you every step, every day. But you are too blind!
So to the girl he loves, please take care of him. He's like a white gold, only few people would know what he's really made of and what his true value is. There are a lot of girls willing to be in your position so please don't take him for granted. He may be a jerk sometimes but hey, he's the sweetest jerk you've met. Stay in love, because I stayed in my lane for you to happy.
And to my greatest love, I'd have to end this now. All I wanted was to express my feelings through this open letter. So to the guy I'll always be in love with, here I am trying to take tiny steps away from you because maybe we aren't really meant to end up in each other's arm. But if one day destiny decides to change up a little bit, maybe we can try? You will always have a special place in my heart, love. My love for you is inevitable that's why I have to leave now before it's too late. Someone is waiting for me to finally move on from you. This isn't the right time for us. But for now love, I'm just gonna be thankful for what we have, for not leaving when you needed to, for understanding, for being so patient, and for being my very best friend.
Sent in by Maria Francesca. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!