I can finally say that I don't cry as often as I did when the wounds were still open. The year is about to end and I thank the Lord that he made you a part of His plan for me. I fell in love with the way you talked to me spontaneously and later on I fell in love with you. We spent almost every day together and I started to fall in love with you deeper and deeper. You know I was scared of falling in love and yet you made me feel safe and sound. You helped me face my fear of loving. You made me love once again and I was happy that this time, it was with you.
You helped me face my fear of loving. You made me love once again and I was happy that this time, it was with you.
All your words, thoughts, and efforts are the things that kept us growing until one day you stopped giving them to me. Midnight talks were gone, sweet good night and morning texts disappeared, I love yous turned into I'm sorry. And the you that I've learned to love turned into someone whom I don't even know anymore. You promised me a lot and I wish I had the chance to write them all down. I wish you knew how you started breaking them one by one.
I wish you never left so we could be together. But maybe God made you leave even if He saw that you made me happy, because if you didn't, I wouldn't know that distance was your weakness. And because of that you chose to think that you couldn't live the situation you were dealing with a month ago. It hurts so much. It felt like all the flowers that you've planted and grew behind my ribcage were being plucked.
Nonetheless, I'm starting to be okay. I'm starting to grow my flowers back independently. I'm starting a new routine wherein you are now out of my system. I'm not going to lie because it still hurts. Because up until now whenever I have something new to say, I want you to be the first to know. In less than a month, you'll be back in town and I'm trying my best to be prepared. I hope you come visit me and talk it out with me. But as I've said, I'm trying to be independent because honestly I've been expecting the worst from you already. I want to talk it out because it seems as if our story is an unfinished business. I think is that it's you who has to finish it. I still want you and I still love you. I would want to officially be with you again even if our situation is hard—this whole long distance relationship—but if you were to be the person why I broke up with and I were to feel what I felt again then I don't want it anymore. I can't bear the sadness once more. You may not be having a hard time moving on with me, but I want you to know how hard it is for me the moment we broke up until now.
I've accepted the fact that you wouldn't even try anymore. But what I can't stand seeing or knowing is that you've found someone else after me. If you do or you already did, I wish that I'd never see or hear about you anymore. I don't want to know what's on your plate. Because once I do, I can see my future self breaking down wondering why it couldn't be with me, why you couldn't just be strong for us.
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