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From Our Readers: I'm Sorry I'm Not Perfect
I really don't want to disappoint you.
ART Trixie Ison

I have always wanted to make you proud of me. I have always wanted to meet all of your expectations. I have always wanted to be the child that you've always wanted me to be. I really don't want to disappoint you.

I am sorry.

But I just can't say those words in front of you right now. I just can't. I will cry, for sure. I think I won't be able to handle my feelings. I think I can't really stop my tears from falling. I just can't.

I am afraid. I am afraid to hear your comments. I know you will get mad at me. I don't want to feel sad. I don't want to hear hurtful words. I'm sorry. I really am.

I wish you could understand the situation. I wish you wouldn't just jump into your own conclusions without knowing things first. It's not all the time that you'll experience triumph, that you'll never experience hardships. Life is never easy—you cannot control everything. You will never know everything.

Life is never easyyou cannot control everything.

As much as I want to say that "life is unfair" because people don't receive equal blessings or challenges, I just can't. That would also be unfair to God. I believe there's a reason behind all the trials. It could be that God wants us to learn something or He wants to test how strong we are or how good we are in finding ways to overcome those challenges with faith in our hands.

I want to look at the bright side of everything. If there's bad news, then okay. I'll accept it. At least, it didn't cost my life nor my other loved ones'. But thinking about it all over again, then I think about you, and it just hurts me. A lot. Feels like my heart's been squeezed by a strong hand—and that my voice also seems to lose its power. I can't speak. I can't face you. I can't tell you to your face how much I've always been trying to impress you. That it hurts me a lot whenever you compare me with other people. Whenever you blame me for doing things even if I didn't mean to. Whenever you're trying to push me down even if I'm trying to climb up on things again.

I am sad. I don't want to cry. I hope I could gain your trust again. I am sorry.

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