CandyMag.com

If I could compress my thoughts into a single entry, this would be the best time to do it. I want to write about everything I ever knew and loved about this but it takes a lot to remember and reconstruct. I want to put my memory bricks side by side and keep them like a video stream with the perfect soundtrack. Through this blog and other means, Candy watched my life for a year. Looking back, it gives me a picture of how things went for me, how I dealt, and how I lived. Having this opportunity is one of the highlights in my life that I will always be grateful for—great experiences, great people, and great times.

“Let me hold on to this the way it was, before I knew anything else.” —David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories

I have a love-hate relationship with endings. When I was studying Literature, I found that I liked the word “denouement” a lot. It’s that part of the story where you see the resolution and how the puzzle pieces fit together… and that’s pretty much what I like about endings. You see the bigger picture and you’re then moving on to the next big thing… but when you’ve grown attached to the story, endings feel heavy. You get attached and you don’t want the next big thing, because you’re not even sure it’s the next big thing. It has that ominous touch to it because you don’t really know what comes next but if you keep things in perspective, the love part will eventually outweigh the hate part. Things end for a reason and it leads you off to something possibly amazing.

“It was a smashing time, and then it ended, because that’s what times do.” – Rob Sheffield, Love is a Mixtape

Halfway through our time with the Council, I was already feeling the weight of the upcoming farewell. How could it be happening so fast? I’m just starting to get the feel of it! But walking through the deadlines, the reviews, the mini events, I knew I was spending my time well. It might have been too fast, but every Candy minute was a minute well-spent! I always tried my hardest to make it to the meetings and to the events because I knew it would be a truly enjoyable experience. With school on the side, the schedules could get a bit messy but I made it all work out. I enjoyed juicing my brain for ideas and getting an insider view on the publishing industry, an industry I’ve always found fascinating. I particularly enjoyed my brief encounter with Raygun, a band from the UK. Along with the other people from the media, I was able to sit down with them in a round table format and ask them a question. They were really warm and friendly! They were even the ones who initiated a handshake.

“If you let people into your life a little bit, they can be pretty amazing.”– Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a  Part-time Indian

More than the experiences, what I enjoyed most was the company! Meeting the editors and sitting with them and the council during the meetings were things I always looked forward to. I loved listening to their ideas because I always get a fresh perspective on things. It’s like with them, I see things I’ve failed to see before. We also got to know each other better through the meetings—sharing fangirl moments over the latest TV series episodes, “squee-ing” for the cutest guys, and gushing about movies. What I loved most was how we all had really unique personalities but still made a good mix. Alekx the fellow Francophile, An Education/500 Days of Summer girl; Cre the Eurotripping fashionista; Jaz the other fashionista with the funny bones and K-Pop cutie-ability; Jesselle the fellow college grad bookaholic and Disney girl; Keisha the now Canadian-land wanderer who we miss; Mars the fellow Plurker and Maskipaps revealer; and Vicky the indie art-loving girl with the funny hirits. We shared good laughs and good conversations during meetings (in and outside the office) and the making of the mini magazine was truly an experience. From the brainstorming to the actual shoot, it didn’t feel like a task at all because I was in the company of such amazingly talented and interesting people. Bonding with them during and after the Candy Fair was fun fun fun!

“The song is over. But the melody lingers on.”

It’s like reading a really good book and knowing you only have the last few pages left. You want to find out how it all ends but at the same time, you don’t want to finish reading it because it was such a good story. But when you reach the last page, the story’s still running through your head and it lingers there for a little while. You remember the best parts —the parts that you can imagine so clearly in your head, the words that were so beautiful you wish it was you who had strung them together, or the characters that made their mark on you because they were just so interesting—and the last sentence resounds in your head. You keep the book in your shelf and know that you can always reread them and bring back the good times. The next time you read it, it will not be the same as the first but you’ll be reminded of how good it was. And that book is yours to keep. That’s pretty much exactly how I feel. The one year I had with Candy Council of Cool 10 was pretty amazing really, and the melody will linger on.

Posted in Reflections | 1 Comment »

You know you’re growing up when you’re starting to find it hard to understand yourself and when you find yourself amidst so many forks in the road. Decisions get heavier and heavier, and when you have committed yourself to one, it’s only because time is up and you had to choose.  It feels like a beginning, but of what, exactly? You start looking back at your glory days when everything was so much lighter and easier… and you start missing it and wanting it back. But that’s the thing about growing up—it’s life pushing you forward, giving you all sorts of unfamiliar, waiting for you to take its hand and make that one big leap; only, you’re too scared and you’re holding back, believing you’re not yet ready for everything that is on the other side.

When you’re done with school, it’s when life hits you hard in the face. This is your life. No more grade school catfights, no more high school stereotypes, and no more college experimentations. So without all those distractions, you’re forced to think about what you really want. Sometimes you don’t know, sometimes you do, but when you do, you don’t know how to get it. So it is a bit messy, growing up.

But while you figure things out for yourself, you watch all these other people you’ve lived your whole life with who are going through some difficult things too. And little by little, tiny step by tiny step, it gets better. It’s a tough road to walk on, but the company makes it better. Maybe you have to walk this road after all. Maybe it’s where you find what you’re looking for because it feels like you’re there now, and it feels like something. It feels like it’s worth it.

4 months ago, you rode a plane alone for 12 hours. You turned your back from all things familiar and dove into something you weren’t sure you could handle but you believed that it was time. You sat in that plane, took a night flight away from home, and as the plane started moving, your thoughts were perfectly still. It was the takeoff you have been waiting for. The wheels kicked off the ground and you soared high for 12 hours. And when you woke up, it was all brand new. Maybe it’s the lack of trust you have to yourself, maybe it’s your tendency to avoid things or maybe, you’re just plain scared… but you know it —you are ready, ready for anything. So grab your bags and get going. You have a plane to catch.

Posted in Reflections | 1 Comment »

1. Betsey Johnson shades
   I have been looking for the perfect pair of shades so that I can finally sport one during sunny days. I have never really worn shades because I have never owned a pair that I think suited me well. So when my aunt from the States gave this to me as a pasalubong, I knew I got exactly what I needed. Even the case is pretty!
2. Matryoshka Doll
   This doll of 6 heads came all the way from Moscow! My Russian trainer, who came from Moscow and spent more than a month here, gave me this Matryoshka Doll. I have always thought it to be iconic and fascinating so seeing it on display in my room makes me feel like my room is a bit more interesting.
3. Fisheye 2
   I got this one as a birthday present. I cannot describe how grateful I am for this. I’m afraid to use it and take it out of the box because it’s too beautiful and I feel like it’s too fragile for my hands… but it’s a Lomography camera and it deserves all the sunlight and fun it can get.

Posted in Lists | 2 Comments »

Happy Halloween, boys and girls! When I was a lot younger, I would always get dressed up for Halloween. I’ve been Esmeralda, Cinderella, Chinese girl… and a whole lot of other characters I can’t remember. But as I grew older, I outgrew trick or treat, thinking that it would be a shame to ask for candies when I’m so old, depriving little kids of those goodies. But when I thought about it, I actually had a lot of fun dressing up as someone else for a day. I think Halloween is a pretty unique celebration! Getting to see the characters we’ve known and loved in real time! While some may have done a poor job in portraying them, much kudos to those who actually made an effort to look like the real thing!

During Halloween, you get to unleash your creativity and go all out in imitating your favorite fictional characters! Why wouldn’t I love Halloween when I love fiction so much, and I want to make fantasy come to life? Well, the other side of Halloween is the part that I don’t like! I was never one who appreciated horror movies or anything that aims to make you stay up at night, waiting for something to pop out of thin air. I rarely watch horror movies nowadays…

So this Halloween, I went with my brother. Because he has a body that can pull off a Jacob Black, he went as Jacob Black. And me, I went as The Cat in the Hat… which was also the costume I used for my creative photo for the yearbook. I love Dr. Seuss, I love The Cat in the Hat and boy, I’m glad I spent one Halloween being the Cat in the Hat!

Posted in Red-Letter Days | 1 Comment »

Last week, we made another breakthrough for a tradition that is 20 years in the making, maybe even more. When my
mom found out that I was to be delivered by the stork sometime soon, she paid a visit to the Our Lady of Manaoag
Shrine in Pangasinan. She prayed for a healthy (living up to it), kind (trying to live up to it) and wonderful (dying to
live up to it) baby girl. And she got that. I was initially a whopping 8-pounder baby delivered on a Thursday night.
And of course, the pounds grew exponentially in direct proportion to my age. Please note that I have current plans of
breaking that mathematical relationship.

My mom and dad were very much grateful for my successful entrance into the world. I was all tears and whine then,
none of the complicated stuff. I lived to eat and sleep, and boy, never did they know what kind of tornados I’ll be
making 20 years after. Haha. So much was to be grateful for that my mother decided that every year, on my birth
month, we will be going to Our Lady of Manaoag to simply whisper a prayer of gratitude and guidance for getting us
through the year and the coming year safe and sound–a way to thank God, Jesus, Mama Mary and all the angels
and saints at work for all the tiny tidbits that has gone right or wrong (making us a lot more stronger) in our lives as a
family. We did that every year, and we did that for the 20th time last Saturday.

However, there was a glitch in the plan last year. Ondoy hit the Philippines and the north was left for recovery during
October so we went there before the year ended instead. We still made it. We’ve been going there every year,
leaving at different hours, encountering flat tires at some point, driving all the way to Baguio afterwards for some…
and it’s been a part of who I am. I am the girl with the annual pilgrimage on my palm.

I usually just sleep in the car for most of the trip but I’d like to be able to memorize the way there. Just so I know. It
feels good that my mom did this for me. She did this to lift me up in God’s good hands, to ask God to take good care
of me, and what is this trip, if not a symbol of love? A love for God, and love for me.

And I do feel utterly blessed. I’d have to admit that I fail to see that sometimes… or that I know it but I don’t feel it. But
that’s just me being stupid. Even before my arrival, I had a family who rolled down the red carpet 9 months before,
asked their versions of Vivienne Westwood and Coco Chanel to create the best of the best designer wear for me,
banned all the offensively rude paparazzi from this fortunate event, and had the most dashing and handsome escort
for me… Just knowing that, and having them in my life, is reason alone to visit Manaoag year after year after year.

Posted in Reflections | No Comments »