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There’s something about me and cars. The only video games I finish playing are racing games (I’m in love with anything Need for Speed!) and although I can’t consider myself “boy-smart” when it comes to the technical things, especially those under the hood, I know enough to get behind the wheel and drive.

Cars are part of my comfort zone. Cars are kinetic rooms. Someday, you will get a car not only because it looks great, but because you’re comfortable driving it and it suits you best. Cars are portable closets. As I have witnessed during my college years, some people don’t find the need to use lockers anymore because they can just stash their stuff in their cars. Cars are my personal sleeping pill. Just take me out for a spin and you can get me knocked off in a doze in minutes. Credit goes to my parents for using that technique to get me to sleep when I was a kid. Cars are my soon-to-be “thinking chair” (like Steve’s thinking chair in Blue’s Clues). I have always pictured myself driving really late at night or really early in the morning (when traffic is non-existent) to clear my head with my comfort music blasting through the stereo and just going around the city. That is, when I can already drive on my own.

Now that I’m done with school horrors, in between sleep and Glee marathons (I am now a Gleek too! I only started watching the other day but consider me officially hooked!), I get to practice again. I’ve had my license for more than a year but I always get sidetracked and stop driving. There was a time when I was so close to driving on my own because I got enough practice but days got busy and my uncle who was teaching me how to drive suddenly got sick so I had to push it aside. Now that I don’t have excuses, I am back on the wheel.

I can already go around and drive, but you can’t trust me on expert parking skills yet or easing my way through the uniquely Filipino kind of traffic. It gets a bit scary with all those motorcycles speeding by without a care and those jeepneys/cabs driven by crazy drivers but I guess it just takes some getting used to. With all these, I learned that driving really takes time and practice so don’t rush it out. The best way to learn it is to drive as frequently as possible and have someone to guide you until you feel confident and assured enough that you can get out of Manila traffic like a champion. Haha! Also, after driving school, I practiced on Sundays because there’s less traffic and it’s more relaxing so if you’re learning, Sunday is the day! (Or you can pick a day/time that’s less overrated). Plus, you’re never too cool for the safety belt.

I find something really comforting in cars so I hope that this time I finally get it right so that I can have bonding time with music. Just me and music on the road, because sometimes, even my room isn’t a space I could call mine anymore. I want that space - my personal space where it’s just me, my thoughts and the world outside.

Cars are pretty, functional, and boy, can it take you places.

For the past 3 days, I have been running on about 2 to 3 hours of sleep. It’s unhealthy of course, but it’s all I can afford. This week is our finals week as graduating college students and I had to go through a presentation on Marxian analysis, a paper of 20 essay questions, a Theology oral exam, a French final exam and ultimately, an oral exam on Philosophy.

It was tough. I was fighting off the urge to fall asleep while studying and I actually did fall asleep on my readings but now that I’m here, I’m just glad it’s over. For some reason, it’s like there’s a magical force (probably God) helping me through it. I crammed my way through studying and I always made it in time, especially for my 2 oral exams.

All throughout my college life, I have always dreaded oral exams. And graded recitations. And defenses. And speaking in front of the class. I was never good in speaking because my nerves have never given me the chance to be good in it. No matter how many times I’ve been through it, it just never gets old!

With our oral exams, we usually have 6 thesis statements and we have to explain one to our teacher. It sucks that we have to prepare for all 6 though because we pick what we will be explaining through chance aka a) dice b) cards c) draw lots d) other means. We will then be “grilled” and our teacher would sometimes try to confuse us with challenging questions. I always panic outright and my mind usually goes *BLANK*. I force it to think but *BLANK*.

Luckily, my last two oral exams went rather well, compared to the previous ones I’ve had. Maybe it helped that both my teachers didn’t look like they were ready to pounce on me and I got the thesis statements I was comfortable in explaining.

My last exam was my Philosophy oral exam. It lasted for about ten minutes and I was pretty satisfied with what happened (which is rare when it comes to oral exams). I guess God wanted me to have a good memory of the final exam that ended my college life. Hopefully, I get a good grade with that, too.

After 10 minutes of explaining and pushing back the fear of messing up down my throat, my professor smiled and said “Okay, you’re done.” I then told her that it’s my final requirement and she said “You are now officially a grad unemployed!” Haha!

When I walked out the door, I walked out of college. I walked out of exams, quizzes, papers, and lectures. I walked into a new world of possibilities. I felt freedom and a sense of accomplishment that I have never ever felt before. It’s just plain hard to imagine that after all those years of studying, I just went through the final finals week ever!

Now that it’s over, I say goodbye (temporarily) to stress and for a few weeks, for the blessed gap in between the end of finals week/now and graduation/March 27, I get to enjoy. Self, friends, books, trips, night-outs, life. Finally, I have a life again! I have never felt this free from schoolwork since before I entered pre-school.

So thank you, God. I can now cross out this one big thing in my to-do list:

(X) Senior Year/College.

And finally, I have set foot in my last week of classes. Stress could not get any more invasive than this. All my subjects have left me their dying wishes and I am utterly compelled to make it a point that I give it to them. As I go through all these, I block off other forms of distraction and that includes books.

I have always loved books. Books are among the things I could remember most vividly from my childhood. If books were to be taken away from my life from the very beginning, I would be a completely different person. Books have shaped me and I can’t ever picture life without them.

However, when school is on its rampage, I try to stay away from fiction as much as possible and spend time on academic or required books instead. Reading books that are not related to school makes me feel guilty because I know I should be spending time on schoolwork. I am currently on this phase right now but it still doesn’t stop me from buying more books.

Whenever I go out and see a book that I’ve always wanted to buy but never found in other bookstores, I find it hard to let go of it so I end up buying it. As a result, I have this huge stash of books waiting to be read. I was shocked when I found out that I already have 23 unread books. In two weeks, I can finally start crossing off titles from my to-read list.

I made this entry because I miss books. The last time I read was in November of 2009. After this stressful phase, I’m going to dive back into my usual world of fiction. For now, I have to patiently wait it out.

My reading list:

1. Gabrielle Zevin - Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac
2. Dave Eggers - The Best American Non-required Reading 2008
3. Dave Eggers - The Best American Non-required Reading 2007
4. Rachel Cohn and David Levithan - Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List
5. David Levithan - How They Met And Other Stories
6. Wendelin Van Draanen - Confessions of a Serial Kisser
7. E. Lockhart - The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks
8. Nancy Werlin - The Rules of Survival
9. Nick Hornby - High Fidelity
10. Dave Eggers - A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
11. John Connolly - The Book of Lost Things
12. Haruki Murakami - Norwegian Wood
13. Lisa McMann - Fade
14. Nancy Werlin - Impossible
15. Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice
16. Chuck Klosterman - Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs
17. Emily Bronte - Wuthering Heights
18. Trenton Lee Stewart - The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey
19. Nick Hornby - A Long Way Down
20. Bowering Sivers - Jammy Dodgers Go Underground
21. Megan McCafferty - Sixteen
22. Kahlil Gibran - Secrets of the Heart
23. Libba Bray - The Sweet Far Thing

PS. I keep track of my books with Goodreads. I love it!

I am 8 days away from the end… the end of everything I have started since I was 3. On February 19, I will be having my last regular class day in college. We will be having our finals week the week after that. That last regular day will be the culmination of the whole life I spent studying—pre-school, grade school, high school and finally, college. I have plans of pursuing a postgraduate degree, but this is where the “essential” ends. It’s an altogether different feeling that I cannot even begin to describe. Mostly, it’s a blend of fulfillment, excitement, anticipation, relief, fear and hope.

These final weeks will spell stress, and maybe for the first time, I’ll cherish the last stressful days in college. I actually missed out on a lot of experiences due to my clammy self way back in freshman year. I could have done better than that! But at this point, I know that I’m very grateful for whatever it is that came my way in those 4 years. This is probably just a prelude to goodbye college entries but yeah. Somewhere along the way I tried and now, I’m here.

Now, I’m looking forward to opportunities. I want to make the most out of this and by most, I mean having a blast. These are the moments when it’s time to stop and smell the flowers, appreciate the little things and do things out of the ordinary. I don’t know why we usually wait for the approaching end to do these things but as one of my favorite John Green quote says, “If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can’t know better until knowing better is useless.”

So here’s to living life, taking chances, and making the most out of life. Even though you’re not yet graduating, there is an ending in every little thing. So take it all in, hold it close, give it some love, keep a part with you, and let it go when it has to.

I have long developed a fascination for TV series. Currently, I’m keeping up with Greek, 90210, The Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl, but I have been most loyal to One Tree Hill. I am forever indebted to my friend who gave me a copy of the first two episodes of One Tree Hill long, long before it was shown here. Immediately after watching the pilot episode, I already knew there was something about that show that would make me love it so much. I have never missed an episode in all 7 seasons. Characters have come and gone, but I’m still a loyal OTH fan. I can say that my life wouldn’t have been the same if I had never set foot in Tree Hill.

I learn a lot about relationships and life in general from watching TV series, but what are they without the characters and their complex webs? Here are my favorite characters from my favorite TV shows:

1. Erin Silver, 90210 (Jessica Stroup)
   On the first few episodes, Silver appeared to be an arrogant and snotty non-conformist; but as the series progressed, I was able to see depth in her character. She can be very cynical and witty but she always speaks her mind. She puts up a tough exterior and she stands by what she believes in. More than her amazing fashion sense, I admire how she would always be there to support her friends. Once they’re getting off-track, she tries to reel them back to the right direction. If they refuse, she doesn’t force the friendship. She allows her friends to discover what she’s been saying all along for themselves, but she’s always ready to rekindle lost friendships as long as lessons have been learned. She’s been through a lot and never really had a mother figure because her mother is alcoholic and she hated her for that. At the middle part of season 2, Silver shows strength and integrity as she faces a big challenge and as she chooses forgiveness over hatred.
   

   photo courtesy of The CW/Velvet

2. Elena Gilbert, The Vampire Diaries (Nina Dobrev)
   First, I like her because she keeps a diary. I’m pretty partial to those things. On another note, while recovering from the loss of both parents, she tried to watch out for her younger brother even though she’s having a difficult time herself. She then gets involved in a world she thought could only be a fantasy - a world involving vampires. Given that, she’s dealing with overwhelming things simultaneously but she’s still able to make mature decisions. I admire her for her open-mindedness and capability to trust. (Plus, she’s really, really pretty. Girl crush!)
   

   photo courtesy of The CW/CS9

3. Rusty Cartwright, Greek (Jacob Zachar)
   Rusty is such a cute character! A geek who aspired to become a part of the mischievous Kappa Tau fraternity, his adventures are definitely laugh out loud funny. He is loyal and honest to his friends and to his sister Casey. He doesn’t let rivalry between houses come between friendship. He dealt with his first shot at romance and heartbreak in a way only Rusty can (his character is just so cute and unique!). The relationships he develops (with his friends, sisters, and “brothers”) definitely gave me bits of life lessons that I will carry with me as I go along.
   

   photo courtesy of ABC Family Worldwide

4. Carter Baizen, Gossip Girl (Sebastian Stan)
   I don’t really have a favorite character in Gossip Girl but I really like Carter Baizen’s character. Yes he had a shady past but what’s important is that he was able to reinvent himself and face the consequences of his actions. He showed honesty and loyalty, backing Serena up when nobody else was there for her. He helped her face one of her major life issues and he didn’t choose the easy way out.
   

   photo courtesy of The CW/Solar Entertainment/ETC

5. Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill (Hilarie Burton)
   She is probably my favorite character of all time. It’s sad that she is no longer part of the whole OTH franchise, but she’s had her time. She is an amazing artist who expresses her emotions through her drawings. She is all about art and music. She drives that wonderful and classy black Comet that brought her to the love of her life. She was a cynical character who lived a lonely life. She went through several dark moments in her life from issues on family, stalkers and love. She pursued her passion in music by establishing a record label and eventually popularizing Mia Catalano (Kate Voegele), a used-to-be uninspired and unmotivated artist. Through it all, she allowed friendship, faith, hope, and love to redeem her from what has been a world without a glimmer of light to a world that shined so brightly, running off to the sunset with all her dreams right at her fingertips.
   

   photo courtesy of Solar Entertainment/ETC

I like them because no matter how fictional they all are, their personalities not only reflect those of the people we meet every single day of our lives but I can also see a part of myself in them. They are all flawed and they have their misgivings, but what makes them so great is how they rise above their falls and grow from their experiences.

PS. It’s February! I hope we all get to make a blast out of this month!