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Tonight I’ll be sleeping in my younger brother’s room for the first time in almost a year.

When I was thirteen, I forced my brother to move out of my room. He moved into our old music room, which, of course, had been converted to fit his eleven-year-old needs. I felt slightly guilty, but my feelings of irritation usually won over that guilt and made me even crankier and more evil than usual. (Or at least that’s what I remember. The evil.)

You know what it is like to be an adolescent. Around the time you turn twelve, things start changing, from your appearance to your personality (and everything else in between)—and you long to be away from your parents, your siblings, and even your friends, right?

That’s precisely what happened to me. I became antisocial. I thought of resorting to drastic measures whenever something bad happened to me; I was that dramatic. My freshman year in high school wasn’t going as well as it should have (or even close to “well”). My maternal grandmother passed away. And the whole being-a-teenager thing on top of that? Too much to handle.

I was so absorbed in my problems that I completely forgot about the little boy in the music room.

When I stopped being completely self-centered, I started noticing things—like how I’d wake up in the middle of the night to find him right next to my bed, staring at me, and how I’d say, “Just get in,” before rolling over to give him space on my small bed; how I would say, “Give me a hug!” (because my classmates were getting affectionate at school and I wanted that same affection at home) and he would grudgingly (complete with eye-rolling) hug me back; how he would eventually be the first to hug me; and how, when he came over at night, he would start telling me what was going on his life, as I listened – until we both fell asleep.

Then, before I knew it, he was thirteen and drifting away from me.

My brother is fourteen years old now, and he’s changed in so many ways. He’s grown physically and mentally —emotionally, I’m not quite sure ;D—and often I look at him and wonder where the toddler-brother I had went. (I’m very prone to looking back and being nostalgic.) It’s a little sad but it gives me some hope as well.

That is what tonight is for, I suppose—to give me a chance to get closer to him, to catch up on the old times, and to cut down on our electricity…

Right? :>

Posted in Reflections | No Comments »

Short introduction about the song and its corniness. Mention of the annoyed feeling that Katya got when she first heard it… and the hilarity that ensued. Quick touch on the fact that the aforementioned piece is stuck in her head. Insert of video of the song from YouTube so that fellow Candy girls can hear it too (and lyrics, so that they may laugh).

{ Declaration of my feelings for you
Elaboration on those feelings
Description of how long these feelings have existed
Belief that no one else could feel the same as I
Reminiscence of the pleasant times we shared
And our relationship’s perfection
Recounting of the steps that led to our love’s dissolution
Mostly involving my unfaithfulness and lies
Penitent admission of wrongdoing
Discovery of the depth of my affection
Regret over the lateness of my epiphany

(Chorus)
Title of the song
Naïve expression of love
Reluctance to accept that you are gone
Request to turn back time
And rectify my wrongs
Repetition of the title of the song

Enumeration of my various transgressive actions
Of insufficient motivation

Realization that these actions led to your departure
And my resultant lack of sleep and appetite
Renunciation of my past insensitive behavior
Promise of my reformation
Reassurance that you still are foremost in my thoughts now
Need for instructions how to gain your trust again
Request for reconciliation
Listing of the numerous tasks that I’d perform
Of physical and emotional compensation

CHORUS

Acknowledgment that I acted foolishly
Increasingly desperate pleas for your return
Sorrow for my infidelity
Vain hope that my sins are forgivable
Appeal for one more opportunity
Drop to my knees to elicit crowd response
Prayers to my chosen deity
Modulation and I hold a high note…

CHORUS }

Recommendation of song to all corny people out there.. and to those who laugh at the lack of originality in love songs. 8D

Peace out.

- katya (:

Posted in What's In | 1 Comment »

A few days ago, I used the computer at school. Relax, I didn’t do anything wrong: I was working on the school literary magazine with my two friends P & V—or more precisely, typing up poetry that will appear in the next issue. (:

Eventually we lost inspiration, and turned to the Internet. Being the intellectuals that we are, we forwent Facebook (as some who use the computer at their schools probably don’t), and checked out a website that our dear Aura had recommended in Candy: FutureMe.Org. In case you missed that issue, in a nutshell, it’s a website that stores your emails to yourself and sends them on the day you ask them to. It’s a good way of coping with problems, and it helps you gain insight into who you used to be.

However, the three of us didn’t think of those matters when we saw a certain letter.

We were just touched.

“Dear FutureMe,

So you think that you’ve found love… and now you’ve become anxious and slightly paranoid about it… you think “could it be? Is it possible that I have been one of the lucky ones that has found love at first sight?”

You start to wonder if the feeling is mutual and feel stupid when you convince yourself that it couldn’t be… how could someone fall in love with you so quickly…. yes, you love yourself but how could another love you… what do you have to offer? And do you think that this is enough?

Is he playing games? Are you? You find yourself pretending that you don’t care if he doesn’t return a text message… but you find reasons to look at your phone… waiting… waiting… you’re comparing now… this guy used to reply right away.. but why isn’t this one? Could I have possibly said something that offend him… You go over previous conversations, wondering if something may have come off as rude and then you think “oh well… I didn’t mean for it to come out that way… how sensitive…”

Be careful… while you always have your guard up I have to say that I think you should let it down this time… I know you can’t trust people and you have a good reason not to but I think it’s been long enough… I think that you should trust him… you won’t be able to move on until you do… and just say things don’t work out… oh well… screw it… you’ve experienced love at first sight… that’s amazing… leave with happy thoughts because such an experience is something to show off about even though the end results may not be fantastic… just go with it… enjoy it.”

(written Tue Feb 17, 2009, to be delivered Wed Feb 17, 2010)

Now I’m thinking about what kind of person I want to be—and I don’t want to be the same person I am now. I want to be less afraid of falling in love, taking risks, and doing what I want to do—and I want to be really and truly happy about it. The person who wrote that letter seemed to speak to me, because I’ve felt that way before—which is not love, but infatuation, and for someone as young as I am, it’s close enough to love.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to make a point, but this e-mail made me wonder about its author, what she’s going through and if I can possibly be that strong and optimistic in the future.

Did YOU wonder?

I hope so.

Have a fantastic rest-of-the-week! ♥

- katya (:

Posted in Etcetera, Relationships, What's In | 3 Comments »

Hey everyone! How are you? (:

The past few days have been absolutely amazing for me. Usually I’m pessimistic – ask the people close to me – but when I started thinking positively, suddenly the world seemed to move into its rightful place. Today especially was as fabulous as I’d wished it would be, as described in the High School Musical song ‘Fabulous’ (‘All things fabulous/Bigger and better and best’), but I’ll get to that in time!

1. February 20, Friday – My Birthday!
Around this time last year I turned sixteen. So what do you think happened this year? I turned seventeen! (: Though 2008 was a good year for me (since so many of my dreams came true), my sixteenth year started inauspiciously, with myself sick after arriving home from Japan and my prom dress not ready despite the month I’d spent away. ): This time.. it was great!

Last Friday I celebrated my birthday at school (it was the last day of our intramurals). Despite my sore throat (and constant headache because of the heat I’d endured the past few days), I was thrilled because, well, the day started with a song and tons of greetings from my classmates; rose to new levels of ecstasy upon the wins of my team, the Red Samurai, in softball and volleyball (becoming champions in both competitions); and ended with a fun night out with my family!

After eating at Bubba Gump, TriNoma with Dad, Mom, and my brother S, Mom & I watched ‘The Confessions of a Shopaholic’ (and laughed and cried in turns). I totally love Isla Fisher’s portrayal of the unlucky (but adorable and sweet) Rebecca Bloomwood, and Luke Brandon (played by Hugh Dancy) was, well, charming. (Hint, hint to my future boyfriend—you’ve got a lot to live up to!) (: We totally bonded over the hilarity that ensued.. I totally recommend the movie to anyone and everyone, especially closet shopaholics (you know who you are)!

2. February 21, Saturday – Family Day, My Great-Grandfather’s Ninetieth Birthday Celebration, & my friend Tin’s Partaaaaay >)
Though I had a pretty unlucky start to my Saturday—I woke up late and ended up heading to my school for Family Day—I made it to school right on time for the procession of colors and the field demonstration. I was a flag-bearer, which seems lame to those who weren’t there, but I was extremely important (or at least I like to think so, ssshhh); after all, I carried the flag with the word JUSTICE on it! (Our seven flags were inscribed with the Seven Virtues of Bushido, or the Way of the Samurai.)

After watching the other teams—Autoblue & the Green All-Stars—I headed off to my great-grandfather’s ninetieth birthday celebration. We stayed for a short time, before heading home to relax. At around six I headed off to my friend Tin’s birthday party; she turned seventeen two days before I did!

Making a candid shot of the dinner area candid no longer

I hung out with my YFU buddies (Tin, Mariel, Marc, & Vini) over dinner and on the dance floor (since our dear birthday celebrant had a DJ, strobe lights, & all those other funky things that they have in clubs, minus the drinks!). (: It was great to see them all again, since we bonded and tried to figure out what’s been going on in each other’s lives – really, you’d be surprised by the drama. I’m glad I have such amazing friends! x)

3. February 23, Monday – KARAOKE!
What should have been a boring day at home ended up as a day full of singing, laughter, and ‘Disturbia’. My friends May, Pat, Ingrid, Reanna, and Venus joined me in TriNoma for the closest thing I’ll ever have to my very own concert—a karaoke party at Red Box, TriNoma! ;D

We rocked the room with our versions of various HSM songs like “Gotta Go My Own Way” (during which I hogged the microphone, because I felt emo), “Fabulous,” and “Start of Something New,” funky Disney songs like “A Whole New World” and “Reflection,” and pop music like Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love,” Rihanna’s “Disturbia,” and Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold.”

And you know what the best part was? One of my friends ‘had diarrhea’ and had to leave the room during our first half-hour. Eventually another friend and I decided to look for her (and use the bathroom), and when we got back…

THEY THREW BALLOONS AT ME!

Suddenly everyone was singing, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you~’ while I stood at the door in shock. Pat held out a cake with a lit candle (and a kitty decoration on it), and I made a wish and blew the candle. Immediately another classmate put the cake down and sliced into it.. and after lots of hugging and squealing, I went right back to the microphone to sing again. (:

After two hours of frenzied singing (:

(Thanks to Pat for the photo! 8D)

Not many people get to spend their birthdays so happily, and I’m so glad that I had fantastic friends who were with me the entire time. (: They made me seventeenth birthday the best I’ve ever had, and I totally love them for it AND everything else they’ve ever done for me!

Thanks so much, you guys! If you see this, I HEART YOU THIIIIIS MUCH and I’ll never forget how you made my days special! Talk to you tomorrow at school (and I’ll give you some chocolate truffles to thank you, you betcha!)

Much love,

Katya <333

Posted in Red-Letter Days, Relationships | 4 Comments »

Valentine’s Day is also known as Single Awareness Day (or S.A.D.), which is a direct contradiction to the word we tend to put before “Valentine’s Day”—that is, “happy!” While I usually am somewhat cynical when it comes to love at first sight and all those other romantic cliches, I had a great time yesterday and I’d like to share with you three cute videos on YouTube that I absolutely adore! (:

Marry Me is an awww!-tastic video about “a little girl who likes a little boy and a little boy who likes his BMX bike.” My friend Pat recommended it to me because I love Australia (and, well, Aussies)—and since on that day I totally needed something positive to keep me from drowning in my negative emotions. :w The video reminded me right away of the things people do to get the attention of the ones they like (since “love” is way too strong a word for teenagers and little Aussie kids!)… like mine.

I remember that, one night, I went to a party with my friends and their parents. (That was when I was one of the boys—so that must have been hundreds of years ago.) After dinner, we kids dispersed and started playing around, and being the second eldest in the group, I walked with my crush, who was the eldest (and smartest among us, though I daresay that I’ve caught up since then). I know we were by the porch, watching our younger brothers run around, when he said thoughtfully, “You know, your voice becomes higher when you’re with me.” I was mortified—and I still am!—but I let out this freakishly high-pitched giggle and made one comment or another that must have passed for a proper answer.

I just pulled out my diary from back in 2001 a moment ago, and, looking back at my old diary entries, I see how head-over-heels-in-puppy-love I was for him. It’s really humiliating: I’d  smile like the Cheshire Cat whenever we were together (translation: so much that the rest of me tended to go unnoticed); I’d hang out with his siblings since we were all good friends (but I always asked for him innocently, which was, ugh, utterly transparent); and whenever we fought, I’d react violently. One of my diary entries after we had a fight goes, “he was spending time with c and b and he didn’t even look at me, gosh! and he expected me to go and talk to him? i hate f up to now, (after) 1 year and 4 months, even more!”‘ Ooh, what a big deal, nine-year-old Katya! X))

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Posted in Lists, Red-Letter Days, Relationships, What's In | No Comments »