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Photo by L. Dalton

It’s over. Two hurtful words I’m afraid to hear.

For almost four years, I’ve been with the same guy I thought I’d be spending my life with. Last week, it felt like it was the end of the world. Yes, we broke up. And sad to say, it’s final. I still don’t want to talk about the sad story because I know, it’s my fault. He did everything just to save our relationship but I didn’t value all his efforts. I didn’t listen to him. I’ve been so childish, I know. And now, I regret it.

Now, I’m learning from all my mistakes. I discover how important he really is. You might think it’s cheesy but I can vividly see his face even on blank walls. In silence, I can hear his voice. Just a simple glimpse of his letters, text message, and photos make me smile—and cry at the same time. I terribly miss him. I really do. I could actually feel my heart ache now and that’s one of  the reasons why I thought he was the one. It’s too late, though—he’s gone. It’s time for me to accept it. Yeah, I know it takes time to agree with the fact that it’s really over.

I played with the world with a guy I loved for a long time. I let the game of love begin but I didn’t take it too seriously. This time, it ended. But thanks to God, my family and friends, I am able to survive each day. It’s not easy, but I know I can do it. After all, everything happens for a reason and life must go on. And though it hurts like hell, we both know it is for the best. We still talk to each other from time to time and we believe that if it’s God’s will for us to be together again, love will find its way back to us.

-CJ

I was busy doing “picture survey” days ago like the one Mari did in one of her previous posts.  I had to rummage my old CDs and photo albums just to have that perfect photograph fit for the photo blog.

Here’s the list by the way:

1. a picture of you in your room.
2. a picture with someone you don’t really like.
3. a picture with a former crush.
4. a picture of you very drunk.
5. a picture of you with a parent or two.
6. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.
7. a picture of you from your younger years
8. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.
9. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.
10. a picture you might have edited to make yourself more attractive.
11. a picture of you and a team or club you’re in
12. a picture of a day/night you regret.
13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut.
14. a picture of you being truly yourself.
15. most recent picture of you.
16. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.
17. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, but you wish it wasn’t.
18. a picture of a time in your life that’s over, and you couldn’t be more thankful that it is.
19. a picture with your oldest friends.
20. a picture with your newest friends.
21. a picture with the people you miss the most
22. a picture of you when you were anything but happy.
23. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.
24. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.
25. a picture of you in a fashion “DON’T”
26. a picture of you in a swimsuit - whether you love it or loathe it.
27. a picture of you with your biggest achievement
28. a picture of you with someone you love.
29. a picture of how you’d like the world to see you.
30. a picture of how you would like to spend every day.
31. a picture of a time when everything was changing.
32. a picture that makes your heart hurt.
33. a picture that makes your heart smile.
34. a picture of one of the best times of your life.
35. a picture of you at your funniest.

I’m half way done but still, I can’t get over with the feeling. Emo-much I know, but I can’t blame myself. I can’t believe growing old can be this emotional. I caught myself staring at the pictures with all those happy thoughts brought by the past. I said to myself “Whoa, a lot changed!” Looking back, I thought growing up isn’t this serious. You go to school, find a good job then have a family—as simple as that. Yup, I’m wrong. I realized it’s not like that, really. You had to travel with your own path, live with all your experiences, play with the world, let yourself lose at times but strive to be a winner all the time. The pictures I saw were all real. It happened—and I guess that’s one of the proofs that I did grow up.

The realizations come up with a little voice in me saying “I wish I’m a kid all over again.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind getting old. Age is just a number, anyway. But the experiences I had? That’s priceless.

I believe everyone has their own style, whether you’re a fashion lover or not. I never thought of it as something we invented or created out of nowhere. I think it has something to do with what we are passionate about, who we admire, and what we want others to see. It also comes with time and experience; it begins with what we are really in the world. We then create something from that and tadaah!—we call it our own.

I’m not saying I’m a fashion guru but in this blog, I want to share some of my ideas on how to create your own style and how to unleash your creativity through the way you dress up.

1. You’ll rarely see me wearing a loose top since I believe that a little definition at the waist makes an outfit more feminine. So I wear something with a little cinch in the middle area. You won’t hear me say, “Omigod I lost weight! I have to buy new clothes!” or “The dress my friend gave me is too big!” because I got an accessory that’s solves that problem.
   
   I don’t know it’s called but if I were to rate this one, I’d give it 10+! I’ve been using this for almost 6 years and I’m telling you, it never fails me. So when I lost it a few months ago, I immediately rushed to every single store just to find a replacement. I even memorized my spiel: explaining what I am going to buy since I don’t know what I will call it. Haha! But sadly, I ended up empty-handed. I’m still missing my old one.
   
   But on the brighter side, I decided to recycle my old suspenders instead. So if anyone did see the real one, please bring it back to me. I’m giving a reward. Kidding aside, it’s now my new daily companion. Everyone knows it’s me even if all they can see is my back. Well, not all the time. I have waist-length hair, FYI.
2. I’m a sucker for skulls! Everything and anything about it makes me really, really crazy. I love the combination of black and white and how it screams “rock on!” every time I wear it. It has the perfect mix of tough and chic with every outfit I put on. I know it’s not that girly but it has a certain punch I can’t explain. Aaaghh! Now you know, I’m crazy.
   
   Among my skull collection, this one’s my favorite. My guy gave this to me and surely, he really knows what will make me happy!  It’s been my signature item. I wear it almost everyday. Usually, it hangs in my bag (first photo) or if I’m in the mood, I pull it off and wear it as a bandanna (second photo). One time, I left a stain in my uniform while I was having my lunch. Thank God, I was saved after I tied it around my collar (third photo)! I love it to death!
3. A pile of bracelets is great especially if it complements your outfit. Never mind if it makes a lot of noise. But it’s even more awesome when every single piece of your stack reminds something memorable.
   
   The first one in the row is one of my mom’s oldest. She gave it to me when I found it all by myself after she misplaced it for years. I was delighted when my mom said, “Okay, finder’s keepers. It’s yours.” She gave the second one before my high school graduation, while the fourth one also came from her before I attended my pre-school recognition. The third and last one was from her too! A couple of months ago, I saw her wearing a silver bracelet (not in photo). I thought, she must be shifting from gold to silver then I asked, “Ma, where did you buy it? It’s nice.” Then she answered, “Thanks! Isn’t it familiar? This was from my bag’s handle. Cute noh?” I was amazed. I didn’t know my mom’s got recycling ideas too! Oh well, I shall ask tips from her from now on.
4. 
   We’re still on the same topic, yes. What you see are actually pendants. Well, some are key chains, except that I made them pendants, too! Does that matter? Anyway, since I love art, I love playing with colors, too! Unique and unexpected finds made me like these. Just as I saw these little trinkets, I told to myself, “I have to have those.” From that very moment, I thought they’re the cutest things on earth.

I want to rave more but let me continue it next week. For now, I’m just leaving you with a question, what makes up your style? Blog and share it, too!

-CJ

It’s so surreal. I can’t believe we’re almost done with our stint. Time really travels so fast but it’s been a fruitful year, contributing to the Philippines’ no.1 teen mag. I must admit, I’m really a Candy Girl at heart. This also stands true when I worked for a company where Candy magazines are printed! Yes, I’m one of the lucky people who got to see the newest ish first (fresh from the printer)! Yay! So you can imagine how I secretly scream whenever I got to see those. What can I say; this one’s really a great ride! Okay, enough of this now. Let’s go on to the main topic of this post. *drum roll, please* the COC9 mini-mag!

Aura started with her previous post about our Fashion and Beauty feature. Now, I want to relate how we did our staff shoot…

It’s one of our unforgettable experiences. We were all complete and all made up! (Kudos to Ms. Tatin, Ms. Lorie, and Ms. Maricel for making us extra pretty) We were in awe when we got to see each other’s outfits. Much more when they were worn!

We believe we’re never too far from the extraordinary and so we thought that making a decade costume brigade will fit our time travel theme. But you think it was so easy looking for clothes that will fit our role? Not at all. We had endless internet surfing, fashion magazine browsing, closet invasion (from our mom and lola’s baul), outfit checking from every imaginable angle -  just to achieve and have that certain look we want. Do you think we succeed? You give the verdict.

Swinging Deanne, Kurt Co-vain Katya, Imeldific Dyan, vintage Aura, flapper girl Sasha, futuristic CJ, Twiggy Gaby, Material girl Mari, and Stepford Mika

Just before gamely making our hair and make-up done, COC9 poses for a quick shot first. (Thanks to the cam’s trusty timer. Haha!)

Ms. Marla, Ms. Roch, Ms. Angel, and Ms. Mimi were all there to help us too. They’re truly the best! And to Mr. Patrick too, for the photos! Thankyousomuch.

A big thanks to the Candy staff that made this possible, for all the endless advice we certainly need, to our photographer, hair, and make-up artists for giving justice to our decade-inspired look.

We’ll never forget that we’re once a part of Candy.  And our COC mini-mag will be a living proof why we’ll always be Candy Girl, for decades to come—no matter how long.

“Futuristic” girl,
CJ

I love my job but my poor health leads me to resigning. It hurts like hell leaving all my newly found friends/co-workers and my job as a CS Coordinator as well. That’s what it should be, but I have no regrets though. I thought I would have nothing to do during my spare time but it’s the exact opposite! I didn’t know I would be this busy. My then-empty journal is now filled with projects and events! And I love it.

No doubt, I’m happy but still a bit disappointed. I barely realized one thing right after I left—I had no single picture with them! I shall not let this pass. I’ll go there soon after I finalize my schedule. And I’ll burn my camera with hundreds of photos with them. Go figure! Haha!

*Catch me this September 17, 2009 at Club Phi, Metrowalk Ortigas, Pasig City! Rampa Pinoy Models and other celebrity guests will be there for “Sexy Galactic Night” fashion show.

Busy Bee,
CJ