I figured out that I have a lot of issues with myself. Recently, I realized that I have been sharing my "for only me" thoughts to some of my friends, and I don't know if that's a good idea or not. Somehow, that relieved me. I can say that I am getting some satisfaction by doing so.
Talking about the voices in my mind is difficult for me. Though I have friends to share it with, I still find it difficult to trust someone with my secrets and my perceptions in life, big or small. Whenever I feel like talking to them about my crush, for example, I feel a bit hesitant about telling them about my feelings. My mind always says, "What if they don't care about that? What if I'll just annoy them?" However, I always end up telling them because I want them to know if they are trustworthy.
I feel a bit hesitant about telling them about my feelings. My mind always says, "What if they don't care about that? What if I'll just annoy them?"
Now, things are a little different. I am slowly learning to trust people, but it seems that the universe wants to make me take a step back. Do I get a punishment for hardly trusting someone? Well, yeah, maybe. It's going back to me, I can feel it. Some of my friends find it arduous to trust me. I have no idea why. And I hate that feeling; I loathe being left out, maybe because I'm tired of being shut out. Am I not trustworthy? Or maybe it's the universe's way of saying that I should trust my friends so that I'll get that in return? Trust begets trust, right?
To my friends, I'm sorry for being that type of person. I don't know what has gotten into me, but please do understand me. Trust is earned. I just don't know why I'm having trust issues, maybe from past experiences. Please know that if you feel like telling me one of your secrets, I am more than willing to listen. If you want us to talk about it all day, then don't be reluctant to inform me.
For me, the process of trusting is burdensome. Back in the past, I came to a point where I trusted no one and that makes me sad. The thoughts in my head are killing me, so I feel like I need to discuss them. Telling someone about my thoughts alleviates my harsh self.
Maybe I'm just a devotee of reciprocation, so forgive me if I'm thinking in a way that everything must be requited.