Candy Feels
From Our Readers: You Never Knew How to Love Me Right
So I'm letting go now.
PHOTO IFC Films ART Clare Magno

I have stayed for so long because I couldn't bear the fact of leaving you behind. After picking up your broken pieces, I couldn't let you shatter again. I don't want to see another tear stream down your face. You don't know how much it hurts me to see you in pain. I don't know what it is with you that I let myself walk in my own peril. There's something about you that pulled me so close I don't even know how to stay away anymore.

And so I stayed. I stayed because you said you love me. I stayed because I love you a lot.

I love how your eyes radiate when you smile. I started to see hope in it. I could finally see the fragments of your soul lighting up. I'm so grateful to be the reason behind that. I'm glad to hear the sound of your laughter with mine, the one we do until our stomachs ache. I can brag about how your calloused hands have known too much work that it just made me feel more safe and secured rather than turn me off. There were so much calm in you that put all the chaos in me at ease. I am your beacon but you are my shore. You are the anchor of my inner wanderess. You are my constant.

Perhaps staying in one place wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be—as long as I am with you. So I stayed. I stayed because I want more of you.

We loved each other so much I didn't think ending is a possibility. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But you never returned the same joy I share when I tell you stories. Our opinions clashed and our tastes never jived. Your calls are too quick and your efforts always fall short on the brink. I don't want to demand too much so I kept my mouth shut. I felt like I'm selling myself short but I can't tell you that.

You think I don't appreciate you when in fact, I actually do. It is you who never saw my worth. It is you who kept telling me you love me but don't give your all to keep me. I gave you everything to the point that I now feel empty. But I stayed.

I stayed because I still want to watch the sunset in different countries with you. I still want to see the world with you by my side. I stayed because it felt like the right thing to do.

I have been so obsessed with fixing you that I haven't noticed the cuts that bled when I picked up your fractured self. I have been so busy trying to keep you that I started to lose myself. I depended my happiness upon you and I know it's my fault. It is wrong of me to expect too much from someone who doesn't know how to express himself properly. It's my fault that I hoped for poetry when you can't even give me a single verse. It's my fault why I'm constantly breaking. But I stayed. I stayed because letting you go might be my biggest regret. I don't want you to be the one who got away. I want you to be my person through it all. But sometimes, holding on hurts more than letting go.

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We loved each other for all the wrong reasons and I couldn't bear this anymore. It is true that we have to deal with pain and that we must let it succumb our whole being. It is only then that we can let go. We should stop the pain before it completely ruins us. To be destroyed by the one you love is one thing but to destroy your own self is a whole different story. I'm not going to let that happen.

Letting go is like growing wings. It will surely hurt but once the transition is done, we can finally fly. Love doesn't hold us down. It makes us soar high. It should let two people grow—in their own terms. It doesn't separate, it unites. I stayed because I thought we had that. I stayed until I realized I was wrong.

I've saved you but it's about time to save myself, too. We both deserve better. So I'm letting go now. I'm letting you go. I'm setting us free.

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