This is the gazillionth time that I tried to send a letter to you. I never succeeded, so here I am struggling whether I should write you another one or not. My hands are trembling. Butterflies awake in my stomach. It's been almost four years, but I never really came to terms with my past. It's been four years and I thought I've already moved on. I thought I was a different person, better. But I never forgot you.
You are very different now.
From that lanky boy, the one who never cared about fitting in. From that boy who never showed interest in school. You are very different now.
I really liked you back then. You were everything I never was—a free soul, never caring about reputation. and just living life as is. From time to time I would pass by your classroom, spare a glance or two. Often, I wrote my fantasies in the air, hoping that the the wind will blow them to you and inform you of my existence. Tutoring you in Math Club felt like a dream to me. You see, I hate Math, too, but since you were there, I was patient to learn. I wished that you became my reciprocal, so we can simplify this. It's funny how your room was five steps away from mine. But to me those five steps felt like traveling from Milky Way to Andromeda.
Graduation came. You left without finishing the program. All you left was a photo of us during prom and cadette graduation. Nothing more. You left my poems unread. I left my feelings for you unsent. Four years and we've been bent and broken by the people we chose to love.
I prayed that we may find our reciprocals, but I guess Math was never really for us.
You are very different now. You make me regret even more. You grew up to be a fine man, a very fine man despite the atrocities of this generation. I wanted to send a letter of encouragement to you. I wanted to tell you how badly I prayed that she may take care of you because I cannot do that. I am in no position to do that and with all desperation I almost did.
I almost did. But I can't.
You are very different now, but I want you to know that I'm not. I'm still the same girl who's crazy in love with you, even if you're different now.