I will stop writing about him and focus on appreciating what's right in front of me—someone that I am about to lose or have lost already. Tonight, I'll listen to Taylor Swift's "Back to December" like I always do whenever my thoughts are about you. The only difference this time is I had the courage to really write for you. This won't be long but I hope that this would be enough for all the things that I've done to you.
I hope this time, you'd understand why I couldn't give you the love you patiently, eagerly, and painstakingly asked for.
You have finally moved on. I have been waiting for this moment for a very long time already. I thank whoever it is that became the reason behind your smiles again. Who am I to tell her to take care of you when I couldn't even do that myself? But really do hope she'll love you more than I will.
I tried to learn how to love you. I really did. I tried opening up and asking you to do the same, but that still wasn't enough. You loved me too much and I probably cared for myself too much that I became so selfish to want to keep you by my side and neglect you at the same time. You didn't deserve that kind of love when all you did was love me far greater than I could even imagine.
It was cruel of me to keep you even though I was already falling for another guy, but I didn't want to lose you. I thought that the love you were giving would be enough for me, but it never was and it never will be. Maybe, somehow I have loved you but never the way you wanted me to. For that, I am sorry.
You looked at me with so much adoration and pride that sometimes I kept on thinking that maybe you forgot that I am also a human. I am also capable of hurting you. I realized that maybe you built this image of me in your head that became so great you fell in love with it instantly. Maybe, you're in love with the image of me and not the real me.
Tonight, I will stop going back to December and I'll stop thinking about myself. Thank you for the long years of love and patience. It helped me grow. Sorry for all the pain that I've caused you I hope it will lead you to the right love in the right time. I could have half-loved you but you don't deserve that. You deserve to be loved truly, deeply, and fully.