I thought our breakup won't hurt me.
I thought letting you go was the right thing to do. I thought freeing myself will make me feel better. I was wrong.
I could not find a way to tell any of this to you since you erased me from your system. So I tried this, hoping that at some point, you'll get to read this. And if you happen to feel and recognize that this is from me, the girl who got away, please give me chance. I want you to listen to me. For the last time. Even if it hurts so bad.
I have always wondered what went wrong with me. What made me think that I could live without you in my life. That I'd be okay and happy. That I'd be able to see the world in a whole new light. But now I just feel sad, lonely, uninspired. I am a tragedy, nearly turning into a travesty. I could not understand myself, even while I am writing this.
We had a love that I loved. It was something I have never thought would end. Something that would go against all odds and win all wars.
And yet we both lost it. Because I was foolish. The days when we were on the rocks, on the verge of drowning, all I ever thought was myself. I thought of saving me, not us. I thought of lifting myself up, not us. It was selfish, I admit. I just don't know why.
It was as if leaving you drowning would give me peace of mind, but it never did. I started to feel the coldness of the water; I felt numb. I was trying to look back at what remained of us, but I can barely see. I wanted to run back to you, save you, but you looked like you don't need saving from me. Not anymore.
I wanted to see you, one last time. I wanted to kiss and hug you, one last time. Maybe to prove that I made a bad decision. That someday, I would regret ever letting you go. You could always blame me for turning my back on you. Because I do blame myself that I had to do that.
I may have committed a mistake. And I think it is too late having realized this just now. But I am still hoping that we'd find each other again. Maybe this time, our love is better and stronger. But for now, I guess, I have to let you gather yourself. The one I shattered. I pray that you achieve your dreams, that you become a better man. I will always be here.
I know the chances of us are already smaller than a speck of dust, but I'll still be waiting. Please know that I will. And if we're not going to end up with each other, I'm fine. It was my mistake anyway.