I am not a fan of the boy-gets-the-girl kind of thing. I'm definitely more of the girl-who-stalks-the-cute-guy. Stalking my crushes online is just a piece of cake. With my stalking skills, the CIA/FBI will surely hire me.
I also love challenging myself; challenges like making the cute guy notice me. And when they finally do, the chasing game begins. I think I have already mastered the formula for getting the good guy's attention and eventually, making him fall for me too.
Living in a digital age, anything is possible. You can play with signs by all means and send signals online: you can share a photo or an article and leave them a hint. I tell you, all the good guys pay attention to even the tiniest details if they're into you. Of course they will say they don't, but deep inside they totally will!
However, there is also a drawback of liking this kind of challenge too much. Yes, I made the good guy fall for me, but I also shattered him, broke him into a million a pieces because I left him hanging. It has already become a perennial cycle—stalking him, talking to him, and mutually liking each other.
The next stage: changing your relationship status, which will never happen because I almost always get bored in the process that I decide to just stop talking to them or find an easy way out by arguing with them all the time.
I end up running back to that guy who will never like me back because making him fall for me is a lot more challenging.
I hate myself for breaking the good guy's heart. I know that I like him but I don't know if that's enough for me to keep going. I don't know if it is enough for me to stay and commit to a relationship with him. I know that he hates me because I seem to have taken him for granted. But that's not true. That's what happens when you're in the zone and into the game that much.
Believe me, I truly appreciate all the things he did for me: always having my back when there's no one there to cheer me up, staying and keeping up with my stubbornness, and loving me despite the fact that I've hurt him so many times already. He will always be that guy who holds a special place in my heart, and as much as I want to be with him, I can't.
I can't give him the assurance of being together, of me staying, and of me not playing the game again.
He will just get hurt over and over again, and I don't want that. Because I know that I'm still the girl who loves the chasing game. I will still choose the guy who does not appreciate me and maybe, that is why we're not meant for each other. So here I am, just casually letting go of the guy I could have been with, the one who accepts me for who I am. I know I won't find anyone like him again and that probably, I'll end up alone.
Maybe I deserve it.
Rayven Nepomuceno interns for Candy.