Candy Feels
"I Only Knew How Much I Loved My Annoying Brother When He Was Gone"
I wish I could turn back time, but I can't.
Indy Entertainment

Probably one of the most annoying things that could ever happen to someone is to have a sibling. Being the youngest in the family adds up to the reason why I think having one is annoying.

Growing up with two sisters and two brothers, I always end up being the crybaby since all of them used to tease me. But there's one who makes a great job out of making me cry—my oldest brother, Kuya Ryan. He always teases me and he won't stop until he makes me cry.

I remember that one time my two brothers offered that they'll let me swing in the hammock they made out of our bed sheet. I was so excited to ride that. Of course. Little did I know that when I rode the swing, Kuya Ryan trapped me inside that blanket! I was crying because I felt like I couldn't breathe inside and my two brothers were just laughing out loud. I despised Kuya Ryan at that time.

But I also knew how fun it was to grow up with siblings. I took those times for granted and I regret those times when I'd wish that Kuya Ryan wasn't my brother. It happened almost five years ago and yet, everything's so clear to me still. Kuya Ryan was suddenly gone.

People told me to move on, but it just made me sad. I wish it were that easy to do.

I have always been known to be jolly, smiling, and carefree. My friends used to tease me a lot, but after they knew what happened to my brother, I became aware that they started to treat me differently. I want them to see me as a strong person, but looking at how they treat me, I felt like I'm so weak that I couldn't breathe.

I found myself not talking to both my family and friends the way I used to. I can't laugh the way I used to laugh. My entire junior year in high school passed like a ghost. Everything changed, but I still wished every single night for things to go back to the way they were.

Before our high school graduation, I managed to somehow fix myself up. With the help of my family and friends, I realized that I'm not alone. No matter how much I suffered then, there was always somebody out there to help me. In the end, keeping things to myself didn't do me any good.

I have so many regrets right now. I wish I had the chance to tell Kuya Ryan how much I loved him even if he made me cry a lot of times. That's how I realized how important it is to tell the people around you how much you love them even if they're still around. You may sometimes despise your siblings especially when they tease you, but please remember how much you cannot imagine your life without them.

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I know that the loss of my brother changed the way I am. I'm just happy that even if he teased me a lot, Kuya Ryan was a brother to me. I love him and I miss him so bad. How I wish he could tease me again; I promise I won't be a crybaby anymore. I still can't figure out if I've already moved on from my brother's death, but I know that the time will come when I say that I can. With the help of my family and friends, I'll eventually get there.

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